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Refresh Your Soul: Ten Simple Ideas

turnitupmom — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:55:41 +0000

Photo by tskdesign

Picture, for a moment, the perfect summer day: sunny, 80 degrees, low humidity, a cool breeze. Where I live, these days are unexpected gifts (My ruthless, curly hair can attest to that.) While the modern convenience of air conditioning serves its purpose, nothing beats opening up the windows and inviting in the fresh air.

In the Northeast, September may very well be one of the best months to enjoy the fresh air without breaking a sweat from a walk to the mailbox which, for me, is about ten feet. Below are some ideas for making the most of the outdoors with your children without changing your daily schedule, routines, or activities.

1. Dine al Fresco: Much of our food originates from the soil or from animals that graze in “open” spaces. For me, it feels good to eat in the natural environment and connect to the earth, the source of good food. So, change things up a bit and serve breakfast outside. Call me a romantic, but fresh air stirs my blood and awakens my senses. What a great way to start the day!

2. Drive with the Windows Down: Whenever I roll down the car windows, my daughter instinctively waves her arms and legs and lets out this giggly, contagious laugh. “Weeee!” I exclaim from the front seat, for a little extra rollercoaster effect. As the wind whips in one window and out another, it ushers in an energy that invigorates the soul. In fact, I can’t not sing when I feel so alive. And sometimes that’s just what you need when you’re running the same old errands, day after day.

3. Snack with a Story: Many small children eat a mid-morning snack. This is a great opportunity for storytime. Grab your favorite books, a snack, and a blanket and recline in the shade or the sun (for a little vitamin D). Not only are you enjoying the fresh air, but you are teaching your child that reading is fun, relaxing, and worthy of a special time and space.

4. Hang Your Laundry Under the Sun: Many moms do at least one load of laundry a day. I will admit, I am not one of those moms. I do, however, have a clothesline. Bring your wet clothes outside and hang them on a clothesline, letting little ones help out with an otherwise tedious chore. Breathe in clean, fresh air and smell the grass as your clothes soak up these good smells.

5. Shop at an Outdoors Farmers’ Market: Support your local economy by buying fresh food from family farmers. This sure beats another trip to an overcrowded supermarket, where fruits have traveled from Brazil. I love the idea of nourishing my body with food from my own “backyard.” Indulge your senses in the fresh smells of ripe produce, grass-fed meats, local wines, cheeses, and more! Visit LocalHarvest to find a farmers’ market near you.

6. Play Outside: You have all winter to play indoors. So step outside and let your creative juices flow! Grab some sidewalk chalk and reconnect with your inner artist. Or if you have a swingset, swing high alongside your child and let your imagination soar: Remember swinging over alligator infested lagoons? As you feel the wind blow past, pretend that you’re flying free. Let go of your obligations and breathe in sheer fun.

7. Get Moving!: My daughter typically wakes up from her nap around 3:00, at which time I’m suffering from sleepiness (if I haven’t napped too). This is my cue to get up and get out. It’s hard to fit in exercise with kids. Grab the stroller, double stroller, or bikes (if the kids are older), and head outside for a nice brisk walk or jog. Pay attention to your breath. Notice colors and textures. Feel yourself awaken and your soul open up to possibility.

8. Turn Off the TV: Trade a televised sporting event for the real deal! Again, go local! On a Saturday afternoon, pile the kids in the minivan and support your local high school athletics program. It’s cheap, fun, and gets everyone outdoors for some fresh air. This is a great opportunity to expose small children to healthy competition, spirit, and team work. Plus, there’s usually plenty of space for them to run around!

11. Choose the Farthest Spot: When most people enter a parking lot, they naturally look for a spot closest to their destination. What if we parked farther away? Would it hurt to walk the extra 50 yards? Parking lots are often spaces of tension. Avoid the madness and enjoy the walk. Breathe in peace, breathe out frustration.

10. Fire Up the Grill: I love the smell of charcoal on a warm summer night. I associate it with family barbecues, lightning bugs, citronella candles, and watermelon. Why heat up the kitchen when the outside temperature is mild and only calls for a sweatshirt? My feeling is this: Take advantage of the grill for as long as you can, and hold onto those memories of summer.

The Smell of Fun

turnitupmom — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:18:59 +0000

Every now and then my husband will say, “That smell reminds me of Grandma’s house up in the country.” It’s amazing that sometimes even mothballs elicit a nostalgia. But studies show that smell is strongly linked to memory, and thus to our emotional responses to life experiences.

Have you ever thought about the smell of FUN? Revisit your childhood for a moment. What smells, fragrant or foul, instantly take you back? Ah, those were the days:

a charcoal grill with a splash of lighter fluid
fresh-cut grass
the ashes from fireworks
a mixture of seaweed and saltwater
Big League Chew bubble gum
plastic inflatable inner tubes
a middle school locker room
cheap, movie theater popcorn
a new can of tennis balls
a homemade ice cream shop

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just bottle up some of these and take a whiff when we get bogged down in the trenches of parenthood? Or better yet, why not head off to the park, the movie theater, or the beach? And oh, don’t forget to stop for ice cream on the way!

Enter Sandman

turnitupmom — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:50:00 +0000

Here is how it all started- the story behind “turnitupmom.”

It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, or so I thought. My three-month-old daughter, Liza, and I were still in our pajamas, bouncing to Steve Miller Band’s Jungle Love. Somehow the lyrics “drivin’ me mad, makin’ me crazy” seemed all too appropriate. Liza had been awake for seven hours straight, and I was running out of silly Mary Poppins-like antics to keep her content. She’d resisted the traditional methods of settling down, and I needed to come up with something, and fast. Clearly, she needed a nap. Clearly, I needed one too.

While I’m not a voracious reader of parenting manuals and how-to guides (Let’s face it, there is no manual.), I did expect that my daughter would respond well to the recipe for a happy baby: swaddle, sway, and shush. I envisioned her nestling into the crook of my arm and drifting off to sleep, lulled by classical melodies. Quite to the contrary, she squirmed free of my futile attempts to cuddle close with a warm, cozy blanket. I spent days grasping for straws until I realized that she required something a bit more edgy than “The Muffin Man.” That’s when I turned to my husband’s eclectic music collection.

That afternoon, we ripped up the dance floor (Okay, the linoleum kitchen tiles.), bouncing and grooving to the music. And the louder, the better. Liza closed her tiny fingers around my shirtsleeve, and we clung to each other. We whirled past kitchen counters strewn with bottles and dirty dishes, and we twirled in circles, dizzying ourselves. We weren’t waltzing to a Brahms lullaby, and yet I felt a deep sense of comfort separate from the rest of the world. It was an unmistakable bond with my daughter, as I gave myself permission to dance with a childlike abandon and wonder.

Despite my utter exhaustion, an untapped stream of energy rose from deep within and gave way to flirtation with a light, carefree me. I wasn’t going to need a Richard Simmons video to get this body back in shape. I was sweatin’ to everything from Michael Jackson to Metallica. Before long, that room was filled with laughter, singing, and a curiously content baby. But God, did I need a shower.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it; my husband and I were quiet babies, content to sit and gaze and bat our hands at colorful rattles. I half-expected our daughter to be the same. It was in this moment that I made a conscious effort to shift my thinking. Instead of wishing her to be otherwise, I began to embrace all that she was- a curious, wide-eyed, active baby who made me laugh- instead of all that she wasn’t. And we danced. What emerged from this moment was the opportunity for me to know my child and to rediscover myself.

Did she fall asleep? Of course she did. After a few minutes, Liza nestled her head into the space under my chin and tucked her knees up into my chest. Her eyelids grew heavy and her body, limp. Although the couch was enticing, my heart told me to savor this moment. I pressed my lips against her forehead and continued to rock. Here I was, mommy-gone-mad, with a sense of calm falling around me. I, too, closed my eyes and let go, knowing that in a matter of months, her little tushy wouldn’t fit in the palm of my hand. My nap could wait. I didn’t ever want to wish that we had danced more.

I often ask myself, why does my daughter love to dance? Maybe it’s the rocking motion that simulates the womb or the liveliness of the music, but I have to believe that it’s more than that. Perhaps Liza is giving me exactly what I need- the chance to stop, to breathe, and to be fully present. Somewhere along the line, between juggling work and the inability to say “no,” I had suppressed my most basic need to be and to honor all that I am.

Liza had her own agenda from the moment of conception. What I didn’t know was that it would come in the form of a gift, one that transcended my expectations.

The serendipity of it all is that one week later, I slipped on a pair of brand new jazz shoes and headed off to dance, this time with a group of women who love to sweat. Every week I do this for myself- for my body, my spirit, and a guilt-free break. Who do I have to thank for this? My little Liza who, literally, doesn’t miss a beat. Thanks to her, I’ve been reacquainted with the happy-go-lucky girl who could pirouette, slide into a split, and steal the show. (Although, I must admit that after delivering a baby, the thought of a split makes me cringe and contract my pelvic muscles.) Because of dance, we have a few more funky songs on our playlist and a few new moves for our kitchen repertoire. Because of dance, I have reconnected with a freer side of myself that I’d lost in the trenches of life. Liza gave me the push I needed to step out onto the dance floor again and to linger in moments of sheer fun.

I have since plunged into this new role, at times wacky and wild, and while it differs from the challenges of classroom instruction, it demands a similar creativity and freshness. Every day Liza cracks me up, and some days I wonder where she came from. Although, in truth, I’ve come to believe that while our children are of us, they are not us.

My husband and I joke that someday our daughter will be the last child to conk out at her first slumber party. But for now, I have come to appreciate the fact that I can “sway” my daughter to sleep, even if it means cranking up a little classic Metallica. And maybe- just maybe- the Sandman will pay us a visit.

Chill Out: A New Parenting Trend

turnitupmom — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 20:38:00 +0000

Have you heard of the latest parenting style that involves reclining on the couch, martini-in-hand, while your child occupies herself with legos? Me neither. But Tom Hodgkinson’s new book, The Idle Parent: Why Less Means More When Raising Kids, describes a new parenting phenomena that may be the best kept secret to raising well-adjusted, independent children. Less helicoptering and micromanaging, more martinis (just look at his cover).

In a recent New York Times magazine article “Let the Kid Be,” Lisa Belkin suggests that this new wave of parenting is on the rise. It makes sense. In my opinion, today’s parenting styles are a response to the over-parenting of our predecessors, those moms and dads who were determined to ruin our lives, dragging us to orchestra rehearsal because “it looked good” for college.

Today, however, Belkin claims that parents are saying NO to strict schedules, flash cards, tutors, and violin lessons. In truth, while I wouldn’t call it a laissez-faire approach, it’s a relaxed style that involves less in-your-face, over-scheduling and more enjoying life and being.

I’d like the think that Belkin’s right, that perhaps we’ve been enlightened. But truthfully, as a mom enmeshed in the wilds of suburbia, I’ve yet to see this theory in action. Instead, I see kids miss out on dirty knees, because they have too much homework in first grade. As a teacher, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to get up in someone’s grill and shout: “Just leave your kid alone.”

Bottom line: Chill out, Mom.

For me, this boils down to trusting more and fearing less. Trusting that our kids won’t be paralyzed by Lyme’s Disease if they play in the woods. Trusting that they won’t be a failure if they get a C or choose not to go to . . .(oh my God) college. Trusting that they will find their way and grow to be decent human beings- probably the same decent human beings who will respond to our under-parenting with a tightening of the reigns, and a few martinis.

I’ve Got Rhythm Stix, I’ve Got Music

turnitupmom — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:20:00 +0000

My daughter LOVES music. I mean, really loves it. During her infancy, we spent hours bouncing and twirling across the kitchen floor, dancing to everything and anything. Except classical. Take that, Baby Einstein!

Now, whenever Liza hears music, the world stops. A smile stretches across her face as she bops her head and bends up and down at the knees. It’s her own little jig, and it’s seriously adorable (and future blackmail material).

Sometimes she adds shakers or tambourine to the combo, but more often it’s Rhythm Stix. Two red sticks. That’s it. Oh wait, they have ridges. Fancy, huh? But I’ve gotta be honest; they were the best $8 I spent on gifts last Christmas. Who needs all of that plastic Fisher Price c-r-a-p anyway?

Liza’s learned to “Shake your sticks up HIGH, and down LOW” (imagine my voice rising and falling here). We’ve used them to keep the beat, follow directions, develop coordination, and identify body parts; it’s much more fun to point to your nose with a big red stick.

We moms need to keep things fresh and exciting, in part to keep ourselves sane. LP RythMix has some cool instruments and music activities for little ones at various stages. There are even Mommy & Me activities.

When, as a mom, I’m grasping for straws, I turn to sticks instead: “I’ve got rhythm stix, I’ve got music . . .who could ask for anything more?”

Play

turnitupmom — Mon, 18 May 2009 14:00:00 +0000

I recently heard a mom remark, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my kids this summer. They don’t know how to just play.” Sound familiar?

I’m making a sweeping generalization here: Today’s suburban kids live by set schedules and organized, adult-regulated activities. We moms shuttle them off to piano lessons, tutoring, baseball practice, art class. We think we’re doing what’s best for our kids. We want them to have opportunities, so we start building our kids’ “resumes” in elementary school.

Yes, I would agree that kids learn discipline, the value of teamwork, and socially appropriate behavior from playing soccer or saxophone. But there’s a seriousness and rigidity to all of this structure, and we’re missing something big. . .

PLAY.

In his outstanding book, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagintion, and Invigorates the Soul, Stuart Brown, M.D., discusses play as a state of mind. He defines it as “an absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time.”

Notice how Brown says that play is “apparently purposeless.” In his eyes, it is perhaps the most important aspect of brain growth. Brown believes that “play lies at the core of creativity and innovation.”

But we think that kids who fit the mold, who play “the game” with an exceptional GPA and an impressive resume (that includes a service trip to Africa, of course), will be rewarded in life.

How many unhappy college graduates do you know?

In recent years, Brown has presented a seminar on play to Stanford sophomores, who he believes are “suffering from low-grade play deprivation, and are so used to their hectic, pressured, high-performance lives (despite still being kids) that they don’t realize what they have missed in the pursuit of academic excellence and success.”

I was that kid. Growing up, I was so tightly wound that I lost sight of play. For me, good grades got old, and there was a huge price to pay for not cutting loose. At the end of the day, who cares about academic accolades and big fat promotions if there is no play.

So, how can we encourage our children to play?

Brown suggests exposing our children to various opportunities at a young age and taking note of their early desires and inclinations, “the natural choices that your child’s early play demonstrates.” Then, encourage those early patterns that result from natural desires to build, sing, create, dance, etc.

So, the next time your child plays with the box instead of the $100 award-winning toy inside of it, swallow your pride and give yourself permission to smile. She is building a world for herself and mastering the most important subject, Life 101.

What’s the Hurry?

turnitupmom — Fri, 15 May 2009 06:42:00 +0000

In college, I had a roommate from Wyoming. I loved her to pieces, but when it came to walking, she was Slow with a capital S. I was a “city” girl, destination-bound, with a quickness in my step. I walked with purpose, to get there fast. She, on the other hand, bounced her way down the sidewalk, in part I think, to irritate me. It worked.

My daughter is just at the age where she loves stepping out for a walk down our quiet little street. Together, we shuffle across the uneven pavement and explore nature’s toy box. Yesterday we watched the birds darting from tree to tree. We listened to water gurgling through the sewer. We pointed to big, fluffy clouds and cars passing by. We picked a few flowers (Don’t tell the neighbors.) and fingered the veins on leaves. We stomped across a patch of rocks and giggled as they crunched under our toes.

It was a grand buffet for the senses.

Maybe the tortoise is onto something. For years, I’d thought that slow was synonymous with purposeless. These days, I’d argue that the opposite is true. Because when you hurry about, you miss stuff. Stuff that stirs your blood and awakens your soul. You know, if we walked at the pace of a child, we’d see so much more of the world.

Okay, Miss Wyoming, you were right. Want to go for a walk? You lead.

Dear Nina

turnitupmom — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 12:16:00 +0000

A couple of months ago, my brother-in-law’s mother, Nina, passed away. I got the horrifying phone call late one evening. They said she was dead. They said it was a massive heart attack. They said she didn’t suffer. I was shocked, numb to the bone. She was way too young. And although I didn’t have the privilege of knowing her for long, I miss her. We had a simple, special bond; we are moms.

Nina touched so many lives as a nurse, educator, and mentor at Rochester General Hospital. Today, on her birthday, the ViaHealth community gathered for a memorial service in her honor. Although I couldn’t be present to celebrate her life, I chose to remember Nina in a way that honored who she was, her legacy as a loving, generous, whole-lotta-fun MOM.

In a nutshell, Nina was the kind of mom who made snow angels in the winter and snuggled inside cardboard forts on rainy afternoons. She was there, for everything. So, on this brilliant April morning, with record-breaking temperatures, I knew exactly how to celebrate Nina’s life . . .at the park.

Dear Nina,

On this warm, gorgeous April morning, Liza and I went to the park. We wanted to remember you. That’s what you would have done. I pushed Liza on the swings. She flew high, a smile splayed across her face as if to say, “More, Mommy!” We giggled and reached for the sun. We crawled through tunnels, and scooted our little tushies down the slide. We strolled around the lake and quacked at the ducks, our voices leaping when they waddled closer. We lingered and laughed. We smiled. We hugged. We laughed some more. We wanted to remember you. That’s what you would have done. They say moms are angels in disguise. But you, Nina, are an angel with wings. Until we meet again, I’ll miss you.

Love,

The Staycation Report: 3 Things I Learned

turnitupmom — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 14:23:00 +0000

1. Planning is Key. Spontaneity is the spice of life… in an ideal world. When you take a vacation, there’s a lot of prep involved- packing, stopping the mail, taking out the trash, yada yada yada. In some ways, it’s no different when you go on a staycation, even if it’s only for the weekend.

Meal planning allowed us to stock the fridge and steer clear of last minute trips to the supermarket for one last thing (I’m famous for that!). Rachel Ray’s “Make Your Own Burrito Bar” recipe was a big hit. Yes . . .we ate out too (ahh…no dishes), and left room for spontaneity; my sweet tooth couldn’t resist stopping at Ben & Jerry’s for some mint chocolate chunk ice cream. Twice. But the second time- totally planned.

Often, the weather dictates how you’ll spend the day, take it or leave it. Thursday turned out to be a beautiful afternoon, one Tim fondly referred to as a Ferris Bueller day. After visiting the Children’s Museum of Manhattan, we strolled through Central Park and people-watched over a packed lunch. Plan B involved sleeping bags, popcorn, and Mary Poppins. While that would have been fine, nothing compares to breathing in some fresh, spring air!

2. Get Unplugged! We live in a fast-paced, impatient, dot-mom world. Phone calls, text messages, emails, downloads. They’re all nice, in moderation. The problem is that we don’t moderate. I wanted to eliminate these distractions and be more attentive to what matters most in my life . . .spending time with the people I love. Besides, someday I’ll never wish that I’d spent more time on my computer. Eat more ice cream? Maybe. (Hence the two trips to Ben & Jerry’s.)

I did tell friends and family about our staycation, just as I would if we were vacationing. Yes, in case of an emergency, I could still be reached via cell phone. Yes, people still called. No, it wasn’t an emergency. At one point, we did check messages. Big mistake. The bottom line: it’s uncomfortable being disconnected, especially when you’re lying on your own couch. I think it actually takes practice, something I’m more than willing to work on. You know, the “stuff” was all still here when I got back. I didn’t miss much, if anything at all.

3. Make it a Habit of Smelling the Roses. For me, the whole point of a staycation is to practice slowing down and to live well (which doesn’t require $$$) right in your own backyard. Every now and then, I think it’s important to break up the monotony and do something fun or different, inspiring or creative, whatever that means for you. My husband felt that this was definitely easier to do once we hopped in the car, destination bound. It was much more challenging to ignore the to-do list at home and to relax, or god-forbid, do nothing. We’re so accomplish-oriented; it’s a tough habit to break.

Every adult speaks of how quickly children grow, and heck, I’m not about to miss these awesome years. My personality necessitates that I have to consciously put on blinders, carve out time, and create a space that offers enrichment of the soul. The flowers are on the table. At least that’s a start.

Time for a “Staycation”

turnitupmom — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:34:00 +0000

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I need a vacation”? I do it all the time. But for many Americans, a vacation isn’t in the cards right now. We’re living in some topsy-turvy, scary economic times. Our 401k’s are worth half of what they were 2 years ago, the market wavers more than a moody teenage girl, and frankly, we don’t know who to trust.

The other day, as I was recycling my junk mail, I fell upon the idea of a “staycation,” vacationing at home. I think the idea of a vacation is more of a mindset than anything else. You don’t have to be reclining under a palm tree to achieve a sense of calm (although that sounds really nice right now). A vacation is about waking up at your leisure, lollygagging about, and voluntarily shirking your responsibilities and obligations in exchange for some good old fashion family fun. Thanks, Clark W. Griswold.

In the beginning of April, my husband has a week off from school, and we’ve decided to go on a staycation for two days. Actually, I think it’s going to be quite a challenge. Many people, myself included, actually have a hard time relaxing in their own homes. We say, “I’ll relax when the _____ is done.” And so, we never relax, because there is always something to be done. It’s so easy to get sucked into the distractions and send that one last email. For me, this staycation will be about no rushing, no schedules, and no doing. Just being. (That’s why we’re called human beings, not human doings.)

Here are some ideas for a family “staycation”:

Turn off the TV and rent a Disney flick or go to the movies.
Take a family bike ride or hike.
Play a board game or a card game together.
Eat out at your favorite restaurant.
Go to a children’s museum, aquarium, science center, or zoo.
Make an ice cream sundae buffet.
Unplug the phone, the computer, and the telephone.
Give everybody a break from chores and responsibilities.
Fly kites in an open field.
Dust off the sleeping bags and have a slumber party- ghost stories included!

I haven’t yet decided how my family is going to spend our two days. We’re going to fly by the seat of our pants, but definitely kick back and just enjoy one another. And hey, I can light a coconut-scented candle and put on some Banana Boat sunscreen to give it that “beach vacation” feel.