Tag: mind and body

Posted on December 20, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Aaron Geller

Last week, a friend commented, “Did you get a haircut? Love the hair!”

“No, I just did it,” I laughed, brushing off the ridiculous amount of time it takes to tame my wild mane.

I don’t choose to spend much time in the bathroom, with a hairdryer and a flat-iron. I prefer the extra hour of sleep in the morning, or the chance to watch a mindless TV show at night, which means that my hair is usually in a ponytail. So I’m not the hottest mom on the block. My daughter still thinks I’m pretty cool. 

This incident sheds light on one of my biggest challenges: time management. As a SAHM, I arguably have more time on my hands than ever before, and yet I feel like I’m never satisfied with my abilities as a home manager. I’m not juggling a career, a home, and a family, so why is this so hard to manage?

A few months ago, I read something at Simple Mom that resonated with me: “Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.” 

I can choose to stay in my pajamas and read books and play with legos, but that means choosing not to do chores. 

I can choose to prepare dinner during naptime, but that means no computer time. 

I can choose to fold laundry, but that means not spending quality time with my child (although we have had some laundry laughing incidents involving mommy’s underwear on our heads). 

You get my point. 

If staying at home is just about playing and mothering, I am more than measuring up. But it’s not. Here’s my problem: I can’t justify focusing on the mundane tasks of everyday life when I could be making the most of the reason why I choose to stay home in the first place. Little fingers. Little hugs. Little giggles. Little phrases. (Even little problems.) Honestly, I’m afraid to blink. 

I’m consciously working to re-program my thinking about my role as a SAHM. Here’s what I’ve begun to do: 

• Make a mental to-do list of things that I WANT to do each day. Sometimes it’s easy to feel trapped as a SAHM, but I’ve found that replacing “have to” with “want to” is freeing. Being intentional gives me focus and purpose, and I generally feel happier, because I control the outcome of the day (rather than feeling like a slave to all that needs to get done). Does that mean I never do chores? No. Sometimes I bang out 3 loads of laundry at once. Ironically, I’m more productive when I allow myself the freedom to choose. 

• Eliminate “should” from my vocabulary. Rather than saying, “I should be doing those dishes,” I acknowledge what I’m choosing to do instead. Yesterday, when I ran out the door to dance class, the sink was piled high with dishes. I had to let that go for the time being in order to do something that replenishes my own well. Although I paid for it later, it was well worth it. 

• Recognize that every decision is a both a choice to do and not to do. Just the mere acknowledgement that I’m choosing one thing over another adds clarity to my day when I look around at the piles and messes. Maybe I didn’t file the bills. Instead, I took my daughter to story hour at the library, filled the car with gas, and picked up dinner at the supermarket. When I focus on what I have chosen to do, I can live with what I’ve chosen not to do. 

• Ask myself: Are my actions congruent with my priorities? I almost never choose housekeeping over playing. The reason is simple: I wanted to be present for the little moments (the good, the bad, and the ugly; okay, maybe not the ugly). So here’s my confession: My husband and I have budgeted for someone to clean our home twice a month. Playing is a priority for me; mopping floors isn’t. 

I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t struggle with how she spends her day: Am I giving enough time to my children? Am I giving enough time to my spouse, my home, myself? This concept of choosing has helped me to align my priorities and my mental to-do list in a way that feels good. Would it feel good to have a few more “Love the hair” compliments too? Absolutely. But for now, that’s pretty far down on the list.

Posted on September 29, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Bikes by the Sea

The following post was inspired by Finding the Balance of Mind and Body at Home @ Simple Mom. 

I love biking. I love how I can glide down a moderate hill, pierce the air, and feel free.  When I’m riding, even if it’s just around the block, my face softens and all the tension and ridiculousness of the day fades away. I’m not a serious biker; I do it for the timeless fun and nostalgia. 

When I first learned to ride, I was awkward and hesitant (and wishing I was in the back of a tandem beach cruiser).  Everything needed to be in sync- steering, pedaling, posture, weight distribution- and while I’d master one thing, I’d lose another. Inevitably, I’d wobble and fall.  

I think it’s safe to say that most of us struggle to find balance.  If you don’t, I applaud you. But if you’re anything like me, an all-or-nothing type, then losing your balance is commonplace. Your career is fulfilling but your home is in disarray.  Your relationships are deep and meaningful but you’re struggling to stay afloat financially. We hear it all the time: “Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride.” Well, that’s assuming that you’re on the bike.  But when you’ve fallen off, how do you pick yourself back up and move forward?

The Wheel of Life (printable pdf) is an excellent tool to assess where you are right now and where you want to be.  I would invite you to join me in completing this exercise:

• Imagine that the center point of the circle is the least desirable place to be and that the outside of the circle is the most desirable place.  
• For each category listed on the lines (you may wish to change or add some categories based on your values), mark a dot on the line that indicates where you are right now.  The closer you place your dot to the perimeter of the circle, the more content you are with this aspect of your life.
• When you have drawn a dot on each line, connect the dots.  How does your wheel look?  Which dots are closest to the center? Where is your wheel most warped? Most importantly, could you ride on it? 

Ultimately, the Wheel of Life exercise helps to identify those areas of your life that need attention.  Right now, mine are physical activity (I created this category), home environment, and spirituality.  Once you have identified these areas, what 3 specific things are you going to do to improve these areas of your life? Now here’s the hard part: Go do them!

Falling is a part of life. It’s normal and healthy. Adjusting and picking ourselves up is normal and healthy too. My hope is that this post gives you the push to do what you need to do in order to have the life that you want to have. Enjoy the ride!

The Wheel of Life was taken from the Business Management forms at Sohnen-Moe Associates. 

Posted on September 28, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by jenny downing

. . .the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that . . .absolutely anything may happen.

-Monica Baldwin, English writer

Posted on September 25, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Rennett Stowe

My husband recently emailed me the link to a New York Times op-ed entitled Facebook Exodus.  With it, he wrote in jest: “Maybe we are on the cutting edge of cool . . . it seems the coolest may be leaving Facebook. And we never even joined.”  

Yes, I’m one of those; I’ve resisted Facebook.  And yes, I’ve taken some heat for it.  At times, my ambivalence has left me feeling guilty (when my family posts pictures), but not guilty enough to add this online social network to my to-do list.  I’m already pulled in too many directions, and like many of you, I’m struggling to find the balance between connecting and disconnecting.  It’s just too easy to crack open my laptop and to have the world at my fingertips: Oh, I’ll just check this one thing. This one blog. This one online shop. This one . . . An hour later, I’m kicking myself for not having opened a book, the same one I’ve been trying to finish since July. 

This isn’t about Facebook. It’s about knowing where to draw the line and asking: Is how I’m choosing to spend my time really what I want?  

I am not suggesting that we completely unplug. Most of us wouldn’t want that. Instead, we’d like to reclaim the wasted hours. The bottom line is this: There are only 24 hours in a day, and last I checked, God isn’t adding an extra hour. Our challenge is to strike a balance that we can live with and to use our time well. We text, we tweet, we friend, we google, we even send virtual drinks. Let’s face it, we’re tweeting what’s for dinner, and we’ve invited Big Brother to sit at the table.  Is this really what we want?

Posted on September 3, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Mi Pah

In general, we moms put a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves, creating unwritten expectations that reflect an obsession with busyness.  Do you ever say NO to your to-do list in favor of doing nothing? Do you ever catch a few winks in the middle of the day just because you can?  Do you ever allow yourself the time to slow down, lounge, read, or reflect? Doing nothing is a conscious choice, and for me, a no-brainer. Often, this means forgoing a load of laundry in favor of curling up on the couch for a mid-afternoon siesta. My telling you this feels like a confession.  It almost feels wrong; and yet when my head hits the pillow, it’s definitely not wrong.  

Like many moms, I am trying to discover the secret behind managing a home and a family (while maintaining some sanity).  Being that we live in a society of doers, it’s easy to feel guilty about doing “nothing”.  I find that even when people preach about being, the truth of the matter is that many Americans today are fast-paced, highly scheduled, and obsessed with productivity and measurable results. Frankly, we’re afraid to do nothing.  We’ve equated doing nothing with being unproductive and lazy.  

Maybe doing nothing deserves more credit.  Doesn’t a happy, well-rested mom count for something?  

For me, motherhood is not about what I want/need to do today. Rather, it’s about how I want/need to be today. While the first one is goal-oriented and focuses on measurable results, the second focuses on our presence and state of mind.  For a moment, let’s combine the two: How do I want to be while I’m doing what I want/need to do?  Don’t get me wrong: I love clean bathrooms and countertops, but not if it means lacking the energy to smile, laugh, and listen at the dinner table. The reality is that we all have stuff to do. I’m not denying that.  What I’m suggesting is that we give ourselves permission, if only for a few minutes, to turn off the “doer” switch and recharge our batteries.  At the end of the day, we’re better off.

Posted on July 29, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

This week, I am by the sea- a place that, in the past, has connected me to my own internal flow, a place that has slowed me, a place that has offered quiet and rest.  So I thought it fitting to pack Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea, a timeless classic that opens me up to the contemplative.  I thought I’d re-read it this week; I don’t know what I was thinking.  

This summer I have a toddler, so naturally, the beach is somewhat different. There are schedules, obligations, and choices, and it takes effort–a striking contradiction– to relax. There is little silence.  I have yet to nap in the shade, lulled to sleep by the cadence of the waves.  Instead, I’m digging in the sand (in those brief moments when my child has forgotten about her obsession with sand-free sandals), filling and refilling buckets with water, watching, responding, fighting my need for a thoughtless moment alone. I am not complaining; my family has taken on a new shape, one that changes my experience of vacation. 

This week, I wanted to bring to you my reflections on Gift from the Sea, but this won’t be possible.  It would be hypocritical of me to spend all of my down time typing at the expense of being present.  So, I won’t.  But I can tell you this: I have much to learn from the sea.  Roll with it.  Shift.  Release.  

These truths have opened me up to finding moments every day where I take a self-inventory of my emotions- the ebb and flow of my needs and desires. Just this awareness alone offers quiet amidst noise and enables me to cling to the positive and appreciate the beauty of each moment.  I am finding that when I’m in tune with my core, I can “see” more clearly and shift with the shape of a different vacation.  

I may not be putting a dent in some of those summer reads, but I am looking out over a wide ocean that teaches me a way to live and brings me to myself. This is a gift.

Posted on July 2, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

The following guest post is written by author, performer, teacher, and inspirational speaker, Esther Adler.  

Water is amazing in its power, grace, and beauty, and kids are naturally drawn to it.  The closer children are to their birth, the more calming water is for them. That’s why sounds of the womb for a baby can help him/her fall asleep. That’s also why bath rituals before bedtime can help them to drift off as well.

While water can soothe and tire children, it can also energize them.  I love to watch my children play on the beach for hours, running in and out of the waves, digging in the sand and collecting seashells.  What’s amazing to me is that no toys are needed for hours of enjoyment; and yet in the house, they are helpless without the TV or computer, their “tools” or toys.

I believe kids are drawn to water, because they haven’t built up any barriers yet; they aren’t restricted by fear.  Fear, in part, comes from ideas, thoughts and beliefs communicated by the adults in our lives.  Fear is also brought upon by painful past experiences.  One definition of fear is: the anticipation of pain. Children don’t anticipate pain, and so they are more in tune with their true selves.  They are pure love energy, and they enter fully and freely into what they are doing.  Children trust, and thus can easily learn to adapt to their surroundings- in this case, water.

We innately want to be around water, but as we grow up, our life pulls us away from it.  Whenever I’m in the midst of a struggle, I turn to water and meditate. That’s how I find myself. But children are already there. They don’t need to turn it on, because it’s already on. 

I love to take my kids to various reservations, where they can hang out in natural streams, lakes, and ponds.  I love to take them to places where there might be waterfalls, ocean waves, or perhaps a bay for them to discover. We can create incredible learning experiences for our children by talking to them about different water environments, and about how although most of the earth is water, each body of water is different. We can also talk to them about the source of our drinking water and how we can preserve and protect this life-giving resource. 

I think the more we watch our kids’ relationship to water, the more we can learn to be in tune with ourselves, to trust ourselves and to connect to different parts of who we are, and the universe as a whole.

Sometimes I look out at the vastness of the ocean, and I’m awed by its endlessness. We are that ocean, and yet we often feel like we are only a drop in it.  Just as every water molecule in the ocean is interconnected, so are we. Each wave wouldn’t be a wave if it wasn’t part of the ocean. What’s one wave without the others following?  One leads into the other, supports the other.  If you took a cup of water from the ocean, that water would still be of the ocean. The further you separate from it, the less of a “wave” it will be, but it will always be of the ocean.  And so it is with us. 

Our children can play for hours, being supported by the water and in turn learning to trust themselves and each other. A beautiful relationship begins. We can try to reach into our inner child and release, to trust and let the universe guide us and hold us, and to ultimately find ways to hold each other.

Posted on June 29, 2009 in giveaways, mind and body

After my daughter was born, my husband bought me a thermal long-sleeve that had “Peace Love Mom” emblazoned across the front.  Attached was a tag that read: “Motherhood does not define us.  We define it.”  Mmmm . . .I loved that message, so much so that it still sits atop my dresser.  On the hardest of days, it’s a gentle reminder that I have the power to define each moment with my child and to celebrate motherhood as a gift and an honor.  I am one lucky mom!  

PeaceLoveMom was started by a trio of women with a common goal- to celebrate motherhood.  This lifestyle brand company creates designs that empower and celebrate mothers everywhere.  

Naturally, I’ve added a few more to my collection.  I can’t help myself.  They are so cute and comfy, and I feel good when I wear them.  I want to shout, “I’m a happy mom!” from the mountaintops and share my smile with the world: 

Check out these sizzling summer tanks with a flattering neckline and a message that’s oh, so fun! 

PeaceLoveMom has generously offered one turnitupmom reader the chance to win a “Lucky Mom” tee, in mint green (size M).   These soft, jersey tees have a stylish cap sleeve, tapered waist, and vintage feel.  

While they are famous for their mom apparel, PeaceLoveMom offers kids apparel, baby items, notepads, accessories, and more!  

And now for the GIVEAWAY: Please visit PeaceLoveMom.  Then, come back and tell us which 2 products are your favorite AND one little thing that makes you a “lucky mom,” or (if you’re not a mom) just a lucky person, in general.  Be sure to leave an email address where you may be reached.  

On Sunday, July 19, one winner will be randomly selected by Random.org.  You must be a U.S. resident (18+) to enter.  Good LUCK!

Congratulations, #4, Tina!  You are the PeaceLoveMom winner!

Posted on June 25, 2009 in mind and body

There is an immense, dark cloud looming over northern Jersey, and it’s stubborn.  That’s putting it nicely. It has rained for days, and I’m starting to go a little nuts.  I’m craving the sun, like I crave chocolate.  It’s summer, a time to be outside.  I have waited all winter for this (well, not for this).  I can’t imagine living in Seattle or London.  

The sun cultivates an energy within me, like none other.  When that warm sun beats down on me, I feel alive.  It revs up my engine; it recharges my batteries. It tugs at me to come outside and linger, to play, to get moving, to tend my garden.

I think I might be solar-powered.  I feel depleted.  

Every Saturday morning, I stare out the dining room windows, feeling sorry for all of those June brides. People say rain is good luck.  Yeah, well so is stepping in sh-.  Neither one is my friend.  

Enough whining.  I am trying to find the silver lining.  There won’t be a drought this summer, that’s for sure.  And the plants are getting what they need to do that photosynthesizing thing. And I’m lucky enough to live in a place that hasn’t been victimized by hurricanes or tornados or destructive forces of nature.  And the French drains in the basement work.  

I am going to hunker down with a big ‘ol bowl of homemade mac and cheese (with bacon).  This, too, shall pass.

Posted on June 23, 2009 in mind and body

I can think of a thousand reasons not to exercise: too busy, too tired, too boring, even too stressful (which defeats the purpose).  Here are some tips that help me to get up and get moving!

1. Put yourself on your “to-do” list.  On my grand to-do list today was a dance class, just for me.  As mothers, we must care for ourselves with the same love and gentility that we give to others.  Where are YOU on your to-do list today?  If you’re not there, I’d challenge you to make yourself a priority. It’s not selfish; it’s self-care!  Exercising gives us the physical and mental energy we need to be fully present to those we love. There’s truth to these lyrics: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy . . .”  

2. Do something that brings you joy.  I happen to love dance.  But maybe for you, it’s tennis, swimming, or kick-boxing.  Do something that puts a smile on your face.  If you love the outdoors, ride your bike or go for a hike. Exercising isn’t meant to be drudgery, but we’ve made it just that. It’s not just about losing weight, although working off those brownies isn’t a bad thing. In truth, it’s about getting the blood going, recharging our batteries, and having FUN.  

3. Call a friend.  Friends hold us accountable.  If I have committed to a friend, I am far less likely to bail out and let her down, as I would myself.  Sad, but true. If we are meeting at the park at 5 p.m., I’ll be there . . .fashionably late, as always.  

4. Don’t beat yourself up.  Do you ever notice that New Years’ Resolutions never work? That’s because we create goals that we can’t meet, and the minute we fall off track, we lose faith and give up.  Maybe next year.  I’m too hard on myself and need to set realistic expectations. I’d rather commit to dance twice a week and actually do it, than set myself up for failure.  Be gentle. Acknowledge what you DO, rather than what you don’t do.

5. Just Do It!  As much as I love to dance, there are days when I don’t want to go.  I’m too tired. I’m too busy.  I’m mentally exhausted, whatever.  But it is in these moments when I most need to exercise, to just do it.  On these days, I dig deep and push myself and go, and I’m always thankful that I did.