Photo by me'nthedogs
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. -Pema Chodron
As a high school math teacher, my husband frequently writes college recommendations. At the top of each letter, he types five bold-faced words that describe his best and brightest. These are the snapshots, the power words, the reasons why a university should say yes: intellectual, driven, intuitive, motivated, mature, compassionate, reflective. All admirable traits.
But I think there are a few missing. He’s never written kind or caring, perhaps because they sound too commonplace, too ordinary. He’s never written warm or gentle either. But it’s not because he’s never taught students who embody these qualities. He just doesn’t recognize them as powerful enough or believe them to be highly valued by a college admission’s office. Does warm qualify you as worthy college material? How is someone with gentleness a good investment in a university’s future?
The irony of this is that many people have told me that my toddler is sweet. And naturally, I say thank you and smile, but inside I’m beaming. To have a child whose heart is full, whose manner is mild, whose very being exudes warmth and kindness. As a parent, I couldn’t wish for more. And I hope that this feeling is never overshadowed by a the pressure to define oneself by the power words. Let sweet be enough. For me, gentleness has power- maybe not the power to move money, but the power to move human beings.
Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength. -Saint Frances de Sales
**This post is part of the Moms’ 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom**
mir says:
Beautifully stated, MJ.
January 26, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Adele@simplelifemusings says:
I couldn’t agree more. Other words that probably wouldn’t make the recs: tender, giggly, delicate. And yet also such wonderful traits.
January 26, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Lisa says:
I love what you wrote here… your words speak music. Thanks for reminding us all what is REALLY important in our lives.
January 26, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Kim says:
All I can say is, “AMEN!”
Kim´s last blog ..Lest You Think We’re All About Pretty Hair Around Here…….
January 26, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Abby @ New Urban Habitat says:
Beautifully written. Every day I think about how I can be a more gentle parent. And I also feel entirely thrilled that my son is a gentle, kind, and caring person.
Abby @ New Urban Habitat´s last blog ..Do-it-yourselfing
January 26, 2010 at 7:55 pm
se7en says:
Now that is a great post! Love it!!!
se7en´s last blog ..This Week (25 January) At Se7en…
January 27, 2010 at 10:16 am
kate says:
I LOVE this. A friend and I were just talking yesterday about the importance of the next generation placing kindness and compassion high on the list of traits for “success” in life. To celebrate this in a child, as much as one celebrate intelligence, ingenuity, and drive– well, I do believe that just might help change the world.
So glad to have found your blog! Would welcome you to come visit mine today, as I’ve kicked off a series called Rise Up: Stories from the Mother Net (with a giveaway to boot!)– I have a feeling you’ll find Joellen (director of a non-profit, Mothers Acting Up) an inspiration:)
January 27, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Jennifer says:
This post really touched me. I have been thinking about homeschooling our boys and part of the reason is exactly this, I want my boys to retain their gentle, sweetness. I can just imagine it will be teased out of them. It seems like this quality is not valued in our society and it’s seen as a weakness in boys/men. I think it’ s actually an amazing quality that shows true strength.
January 27, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Angela says:
I loved this post. As a mom with a DS&DD with dyslexia, I know my children’s hearts and to me that’s what counts, not academics. Will the world see their potential when they turn 18? I don’t care. I just care that they see their own potential. That was beautifully written.
January 28, 2010 at 3:27 am
Chandra says:
I love that you wrote about this. There is such a push to “overcome” gentleness in our culture…such a rush to “strengthen” it out of our kids and ourselves when what’s real is that the gentleness, the sweetness and the warmth are just bursting with their own strength. You have a way with words.
Thanks for stopping by my blog this week
January 28, 2010 at 11:16 am
Victoria says:
Very well said and inspiring. Oh, how I like what you said here.
I often tell my children to be kind. And I hope that they will take those words to heart. Reading this post makes me want to be sure to instill it even more.
Glad I stopped by.
Victoria´s last blog ..photo challenge ~ lingerie
January 29, 2010 at 12:21 am
Kelly says:
This is so true, and so powerful. How many times do we dismiss kindness as weakness, or compassion as naivete? It’s high time to re-think those definitions.
Kelly´s last blog ..Bad mama
January 30, 2010 at 4:38 pm