Family Core Values

Core Values.  They are the framework for companies, schools, and organizations.  But what about families? Have we forgotten what, I would argue, should be our #1 priority?  My husband and I have always wanted to create a family mission statement, a vision that defines who we are and what’s most important to us. But before we can do that, it’s essential to identify those values that will guide our decisions and keep us focused on what truly matters.  

Last Saturday, while traveling to visit some friends (never underestimate the value of a long car ride- time to actually talk), we discussed what it is that defines us.  Our goal was to identify 3-5 core values that would serve as the foundation for all that we believe and do.  To start, each of us listed 5 values that we could stand behind, the ones that we felt were of paramount importance.  Then, we identified those that we had in common, and defended those that we didn’t.  Through this process, certain words and ideas emerged as being essential to how we want our family to operate.

One thing that helped to keep our discussion focused was constantly returning to the language of WHO WE ARE as individuals, not just what we hope for our family.  In other words, we cannot be something that we’re not. Likewise, we cannot give something that we don’t have.  There are certain qualities that initially attracted us to each other years ago, and we wanted to be sure that we would honor these as a family.

Here are the 4 Core Values that define us: 

1. Kindness: Generosity of Spirit.  We show people that we care.  We are sympathetic and understanding, and we act with a warm heart.  
2. Responsibility: We have a responsibility to ourselves, to our communities, and to the world. 
3. Faith: We believe in God and in each other.  We are loyal to each other, trusting that each person has something special to offer the world. 
4. Fun: We remember to approach life with a light-hearted playfulness, to laugh a lot, and to make memories together.  

So, I ask you: What defines a ________(insert your last name)?  Is it creativity, courage, flexibility, independence, optimism?  Or is it service, integrity, passion, excellence, persistence?  Below are a few questions that may help to narrow your focus:

• How would you define yourself? 
• As an individual, what are your top priorities?
• How do you spend most of your time? 
• What is it that guides your decisions? 
• What do you most admire in yourself and in your partner? 
• What would you like to pass on to your children?

It amazes me that after one week, I am already beginning to see life through the lens of family core values. The process of reflecting, verbalizing, and writing our family core values enabled me to truly see what I want for myself and for those people I love the most.

Tags: parenting, relationships