Turnitupmom

Do you ever want to lock yourself in the bathroom and sit on the toilet for an extra five minutes?  I do.  I think maybe I can just sneak off and steal a moment for myself, even if it involves sitting bare-bottomed on porcelain.  I just want a moment that’s mine, that doesn’t have to be shared with anyone else. 

I wish I could say that sometimes I manage to pull it off, but that’s not the truth.

Right now, I don’t have the luxury of peeing in peace. That’s just the way it is. And while it’s sometimes frustrating, it also tugs at my heartstrings.  There are ten little toes waiting for me beyond that door, depending on me for everything- safety, nourishment, play, structure, unconditional love and affection. She’s waiting for me. In her eyes, I’m it.  I’m her #1.  That’s all there is to it.  It’s terribly clingy and terribly sweet.  

Fifteen years from now I’ll be the one waiting outside her door, knocking, hoping that she’ll let me in to her world. Fifteen years from now I’ll be the one waiting (on the couch at midnight) for my little girl to return home.  For now, I guess I can forgo peeing in peace.

Photo by Photos8.com

Today, you can find me over at Simple Kids, reviewing the picture book, Those Shoes, for early elementary readers and their families. This is a story about a young boy who desperately wants new black sneakers with white stripes, the fancy ones he can’t afford. Sound familiar? At some point, haven’t we all desired those coveted shoes, or purse, or car, or bigger kitchen? Did I say bigger kitchen? Yes, that’s what I want. Oh, and a finished basement. I’m convinced that these things would make me happier, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe then I would want to upgrade all of my appliances to stainless. (Honestly, just the thought makes me shamefully happy.) This is my struggle. Is anybody with me?  

It’s hard not to want all that stuff and to be content with what is. Dr. Charles Berg, author of Is Your Lifestyle Killing You?, states that “it isn’t letting go of things that’s important, but letting go of attitudes toward things.” He challenges us to seek happiness within- right here, right now.  

Our relationship with money and things is learned. From an early age, we assign money a certain degree of power. The question becomes, how much should we give it? Should we choose to buy our kids those shoes, the cool ones that everybody has?  It’s awfully hard to say NO, but are we teaching our children that stuff can make us happy?  

I would argue that in the short-term, yes, things have the power to make us happy.  But over the long haul, they do not satisfy our deepest needs and desires.  So, what does?  (Warning: This may sound trite.) An attitude of gratitude for all that is. When I focus on all that I have, all that I want loses its power over me.  

At the end of the day, when those rubber shoes are worn, I am blessed. I am safe. I am full. I am warm. I am loved. All this I need. All this I want. Even more than the kitchen.

As a parent, how do you balance your children’s wants and needs?  In what ways are you encouraging your children to seek happiness from within?   

Photo by lepiaf.geo

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if i have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha

 . . .and so it goes with parenting.

Photo by {link:http://www.flickr.com/photos/phinworld/141255554/}Phineas H{/link}

It’s amazing how well kids adapt to new surroundings and make themselves right at home. Case in point: While barbecue-hopping last weekend, my daughter beelined it for a stranger’s collection of My Little Ponies, and snatched one for herself. (We’re still working on please and thank you.)  As I watched her waddle off with a plastic, pink pony tucked between her little fingers, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted. While a part of me felt a nostalgia towards the girly obsessions of my childhood (so much so that I began humming the theme song), another piece of me cringed at the thought of my child clutching corporate plasticity.

As a parent, I struggle with the toy industry. I’m bothered by synthetic toys manufactured overseas, mass-produced under inhumane conditions, with questionable safety standards and no guarantee of worker compensation. I much prefer to support toys produced in our own backyard, ones that are natural, non-toxic, brand-free, and more importantly, that encourage open-ended play. It just doesn’t feel good to support Hasbro and Mattel, the megalosaurs of the industry who drive competition and stomp on the little guy. And yet, while I happen to like the little guy, sometimes the big kid on the block is inescapable.  So, I’ve come up with my own toy-purchasing values to live by:

1. Whenever possible, I will choose toys that encourage open-ended play and nurture creativity: musical instruments, wooden figures, play silks, kitchen tools, blocks, art supplies, etc.

2. I will gently guide my child towards the types of toys in #1.  I will do this with the understanding that she is still going to love her talking, laughing, story-telling Elmo. In her eyes, he may trump wooden blocks. That’s okay.

3. I will buy quality toys over quantity. Five quality toys are worth far more to me than ten pieces of battery-operated plastics. I’d prefer to spend a little bit more for something that’s timeless and can be passed down to another generation of children.

4. I will steer clear of Toys R Us, except to buy Legos, which are a family favorite. I will not, however, berate Santa for stopping at a department store. That’s unrealistic (although I will let him know that we prefer non-toxic toys manufactured under the jolly conditions of the North Pole workshop).

5. In general, I will choose generic toys over big brands and Hollywood-driven, anatomically-incorrect icons, like Barbie.  If my child happens to love My Little Pony, I will not freak out over supporting Hasbro. Big business is a reality, and philosophically, moderation over abstinence works better for me.

Do I sound wishy-washy and contradictory? Well, that’s because this is a tricky topic. In this challenging economy, it’s hard to shell out $120 for a Waldorf doll when you could clear an entire shelf at Toys R Us for that same amount. For me, this dilemma boils down to putting my money where my values are. Most of the time. The rest of the time, it’s about being okay with the occasional run-in with Hasbro.

If you’d like some more food for thought, here are two interesting posts from the blogosphere:

Choosing Creative Toys @ Steady Mom
Classic Toys That Are Worth The Money @ Simple Mom

This Labor Day, I thought I’d celebrate stay-at-home moms, women whose jobs are a labor of love and devotion.  In this tough economy, I am amazed by how many talented stay-at-home moms have begun their own businesses or have taken Etsy by storm.  This delicate juggling act comes naturally for Christina at La Bella Jewels, who, in moments between playing with dolls and folding laundry, creates beautiful hand-stamped jewelry.  

Each of the personalized La Bella pieces is hand-crafted with attention to detail and with the best sterling and fine silver findings available. Christina uses thicker sterling, fine silver, gold-filled stamping charms, and a variety of quality chains and clasps.  Many pieces include complimentary Swarovski crystals or freshwater pearls.   While the silver pieces are my favorite, Christina also specializes in gold and copper jewelry as well as soldered glass photo jewelry and accessories.  

To be honest, I’m not really a jewelry person; I wear the same cross necklace every day.  In general, I prefer plants and gardening tools over bling. I do, however, appreciate the occasional piece of jewelry that’s simple, personal, and versatile. Christina’s affordable jewelry is right up my alley.  You can wear it with jeans and a tee or with fancier date-night attire.  This is jewelry with minivan-driving, multiple-hat-wearing moms in mind!  

Christina has generously offered one turnitupmom reader a $45 gift certificate towards any item in her store (this amount will cover the cost of most items).  Here’s how to win: 

1.  Explore Christina’s Etsy shop, bellabuttondesigns, and then leave a comment on this post, telling me which item you would purchase with your gift certificate.  

2.  If you’d like to earn extra entries, you can Facebook, twitter, or blog about La Bella Jewels and this giveaway.   Then come back and, in a separate comment, tell me how you’ve spread the word!

On Tuesday, September 22, 8 p.m. EST, one winner will be randomly selected by Random.org.  You must be a U.S. resident (18+) to enter.  Good luck!  I hope you win!

Congratulations to #8, Kitty!  I hope you love this jewelry! 

Photo by Mi Pah

In general, we moms put a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves, creating unwritten expectations that reflect an obsession with busyness.  Do you ever say NO to your to-do list in favor of doing nothing? Do you ever catch a few winks in the middle of the day just because you can?  Do you ever allow yourself the time to slow down, lounge, read, or reflect? Doing nothing is a conscious choice, and for me, a no-brainer. Often, this means forgoing a load of laundry in favor of curling up on the couch for a mid-afternoon siesta. My telling you this feels like a confession.  It almost feels wrong; and yet when my head hits the pillow, it’s definitely not wrong.  

Like many moms, I am trying to discover the secret behind managing a home and a family (while maintaining some sanity).  Being that we live in a society of doers, it’s easy to feel guilty about doing “nothing”.  I find that even when people preach about being, the truth of the matter is that many Americans today are fast-paced, highly scheduled, and obsessed with productivity and measurable results. Frankly, we’re afraid to do nothing.  We’ve equated doing nothing with being unproductive and lazy.  

Maybe doing nothing deserves more credit.  Doesn’t a happy, well-rested mom count for something?  

For me, motherhood is not about what I want/need to do today. Rather, it’s about how I want/need to be today. While the first one is goal-oriented and focuses on measurable results, the second focuses on our presence and state of mind.  For a moment, let’s combine the two: How do I want to be while I’m doing what I want/need to do?  Don’t get me wrong: I love clean bathrooms and countertops, but not if it means lacking the energy to smile, laugh, and listen at the dinner table. The reality is that we all have stuff to do. I’m not denying that.  What I’m suggesting is that we give ourselves permission, if only for a few minutes, to turn off the “doer” switch and recharge our batteries.  At the end of the day, we’re better off.

We’ve chatted about how to pack lunches but not about the actual food that goes into our stomachs everyday. Well, I’ve done my research, and I’m here to bring you some yummy, creative recipes from Kathy Patalsky, an author, artist, self-taught chef, kids health advocate, and creator of the healthy kids brand, The Lunchbox Bunch. Kathy specializes in cuisine that is vegan, organic, and seasonal. Her blog Healthy. Happy. Life. is choc full of recipes, wellness tips, super foods, and more!

Kathy’s latest month-long series, “Back to School” Series: Eats for Kids (of all ages), offers delicious recipes for the whole family. Here are a few of my favorite brain-boosters:

1. Honor Roll Breakfasts

• Pop Quiz Toast Ups
• Pluot and Plum Perfect Parfait
• Kiwi Cherry Almond Oatmeal
• Oatmeal Bake Tiki Squares

2. Study and After School Snacks

• Kitchen Sink Granola Bars
• Micro Veggie Cream Cheese
• Snack Smoothies
• Tomato-Free Mango Bruschetta

3. Lunchbox Showstoppers

• Bullseye Spiral Wraps
• Vegan Chick’n Pesto
• Superfruit Spread: ABC Sandwich
• Lemon-Peppered California Pasta Salad

4. Kids in the Kitchen

• Rainbow Wraps
• Trail Mix Sprinkle Cracker Snack
• Giant Soft Sidewalk Pretzels
• Creature Creations

5. Sweet Treats for Grade A Kids

• Just Almond and Chocolate Chip Cookies
• Chai-Berry Short Cup
• Peanut Brown Butter Cookies
• Zesty Lemon Custard Bars

There is MORE to this series!  Visit Healthy. Happy. Life. on September 1st, 3rd, & 7th for Sports Snacks, Study Time Sippers, and Labor Day Pizza Party ideas.

And now, it’s Giveaway time!  Here’s how to win a toddler tee, bag, and book from The Lunchbox Bunch, a wacky crew of fruits and veggies with unique personalities:

1.  Explore Kathy’s blog, Healthy. Happy. Life., and then leave a comment on this post, telling me one thing you’ve learned from her site or one recipe you’d like to try.  

2.  If you’d like to earn extra entries, you can Facebook, twitter, or blog about The Lunchbox Bunch and this giveaway.   Then come back and, in a separate comment, tell me how you’ve spread the word!

On Monday, September 14, 8 p.m. EST, one winner will be randomly selected by Random.org.  You must be a U.S. resident (18+) to enter.  Good luck!

Congratulations, #47, Charlotte! You are our winner!

Photo by tskdesign

Picture, for a moment, the perfect summer day: sunny, 80 degrees, low humidity, a cool breeze. Where I live, these days are unexpected gifts (My ruthless, curly hair can attest to that.) While the modern convenience of air conditioning serves its purpose, nothing beats opening up the windows and inviting in the fresh air.

In the Northeast, September may very well be one of the best months to enjoy the fresh air without breaking a sweat from a walk to the mailbox which, for me, is about ten feet. Below are some ideas for making the most of the outdoors with your children without changing your daily schedule, routines, or activities.

1. Dine al Fresco: Much of our food originates from the soil or from animals that graze in “open” spaces.  For me, it feels good to eat in the natural environment and connect to the earth, the source of good food.  So, change things up a bit and serve breakfast outside.  Call me a romantic, but fresh air stirs my blood and awakens my senses.  What a great way to start the day!  

2. Drive with the Windows Down: Whenever I roll down the car windows, my daughter instinctively waves her arms and legs and lets out this giggly, contagious laugh. “Weeee!” I exclaim from the front seat, for a little extra rollercoaster effect. As the wind whips in one window and out another, it ushers in an energy that invigorates the soul. In fact, I can’t not sing when I feel so alive.  And sometimes that’s just what you need when you’re running the same old errands, day after day.  

3. Snack with a Story: Many small children eat a mid-morning snack.  This is a great opportunity for storytime. Grab your favorite books, a snack, and a blanket and recline in the shade or the sun (for a little vitamin D).  Not only are you enjoying the fresh air, but you are teaching your child that reading is fun, relaxing, and worthy of a special time and space.  

4. Hang Your Laundry Under the Sun: Many moms do at least one load of laundry a day.  I will admit, I am not one of those moms.  I do, however, have a clothesline.  Bring your wet clothes outside and hang them on a clothesline, letting little ones help out with an otherwise tedious chore.  Breathe in clean, fresh air and smell the grass as your clothes soak up these good smells.  

5. Shop at an Outdoors Farmers’ Market: Support your local economy by buying fresh food from family farmers.  This sure beats another trip to an overcrowded supermarket, where fruits have traveled from Brazil. I love the idea of nourishing my body with food from my own “backyard.”  Indulge your senses in the fresh smells of ripe produce, grass-fed meats, local wines, cheeses, and more!  Visit LocalHarvest to find a farmers’ market near you.  

6. Play Outside: You have all winter to play indoors.  So step outside and let your creative juices flow! Grab some sidewalk chalk and reconnect with your inner artist.  Or if you have a swingset, swing high alongside your child and let your imagination soar: Remember swinging over alligator infested lagoons? As you feel the wind blow past, pretend that you’re flying free.  Let go of your obligations and breathe in sheer fun.   

7. Get Moving!: My daughter typically wakes up from her nap around 3:00, at which time I’m suffering from sleepiness (if I haven’t napped too).  This is my cue to get up and get out.  It’s hard to fit in exercise with kids. Grab the stroller, double stroller, or bikes (if the kids are older), and head outside for a nice brisk walk or jog.  Pay attention to your breath.  Notice colors and textures.  Feel yourself awaken and your soul open up to possibility.  

8. Turn Off the TV: Trade a televised sporting event for the real deal!  Again, go local!  On a Saturday afternoon, pile the kids in the minivan and support your local high school athletics program.  It’s cheap, fun, and gets everyone outdoors for some fresh air.  This is a great opportunity to expose small children to healthy competition, spirit, and team work.  Plus, there’s usually plenty of space for them to run around!

11. Choose the Farthest Spot: When most people enter a parking lot, they naturally look for a spot closest to their destination.  What if we parked farther away?  Would it hurt to walk the extra 50 yards? Parking lots are often spaces of tension.  Avoid the madness and enjoy the walk.  Breathe in peace, breathe out frustration.  

10. Fire Up the Grill: I love the smell of charcoal on a warm summer night.  I associate it with family barbecues, lightning bugs, citronella candles, and watermelon.  Why heat up the kitchen when the outside temperature is mild and only calls for a sweatshirt?  My feeling is this: Take advantage of the grill for as long as you can, and hold onto those memories of summer.  

I love getting mail.  Not inbox mail.  The old-fashioned kind.  I love finding that hand-written note or card hidden between catalogs, coupon packs, and advertisements; it’s the gem amidst the junk.  I have a few friends who send cards for every occasion. They don’t miss a thing: birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, you name it.  Sometimes I wish they weren’t so super-organized and together. These women make me look bad.  

It’s not that I’m thoughtless (trust me, I think way too much).  I regularly think about the important people in my life; they just don’t always know it. I have been known to let cards sit on the kitchen counter for days, weeks, even years. That’s no exaggeration. It seems that these good intentions require stamps.

If you’re like me, then today’s giveaway from Creatively Spun is for you! I hope this handmade stationery will inspire you to drop someone a note.  It feels good not only to receive a little love, but to send it too.  You can’t have a bad day when you’ve made someone else’s.  

Creatively Spun is an independent graphic design studio specializing in print, stationery, and web.  The studio specializes in creative and affordable solutions for small businesses, including logos, business cards, and brand identity.  Wedding invites, announcements, brochures and beyond- there is nothing they can’t do!  How cute is this logo?

At Creatively Spun, all of the paper goodies are either hand printed using a gocco, in house printed, or professionally printed using the highest quality ink and card stock.  There are happy birthday cards, thank you cards, personalized stationery, and more! Below is a picture of one of my favorites, inspired by nature. 

Brittany at Creatively Spun has generously offered to give away a set of personalized stationery. To enter, please leave a comment below with the name (first name only) of one person in your life who is important to you and who would love to receive a little old-fashioned mailbox love.  You’ll have to provide the stamps!

If you’d like to earn extra entries, you can Facebook, twitter, or blog about Creatively Spun and this giveaway.   Then come back, and in a separate comment, tell me how you’ve spread the word!

On Tuesday, September 8, 8 p.m. EST, one winner will be randomly selected by Random.org.  You must be a U.S. resident (18+) to enter.  Good luck!

Photo by {meagen}

This week was a tough one for two important women in my life: my dear friend lost her unborn baby, and my mother-in-law lay sick in bed after her first round of chemotherapy treatments to fight breast cancer. It’s times like these when I’m tongue-tied, lost for words. It’s hard to know what to do or how to support someone through a difficult time.  I don’t like to make assumptions about what I think someone needs or wants.  Everyone handles darkness differently.  So, I often end up ruminating: Do I pick up the phone?  Do I make a meal?  Do I let her sleep?  Do I send flowers?  Do I just show up?  

A little over two years ago, when the tables were turned (during the first trimester of my pregnancy), I had a friend who did all the right things. Somehow she knew that there was nothing she could say or do to make my suffering disappear.  She never once said I understand or I know what you’re going through.  She didn’t know, nor did she pretend to.  She never made my symptoms seem small or insignificant, nor did she try to play doctor or psychologist and fix my problems (and there were many).  Instead, she sat with me.    

A long-time family friend and Hospice pioneer, who has since passed away, Fr. Charlie Hudson, once read a poem about friendship that I will never forget: 

We had a jar with a butterfly.

We opened the lid and it flew to the sky.

And there are things inside my head

waiting to be thought or said: 

Dreams and jokes and wonderings are locked inside

like the butterfly in the jar.

But then when you are here with me,

I can open the lid and set them free.

I love those last lines: “But then when you are here with me, I can open the lid and set them free.” Notice how it doesn’t say, “but then when you make it better, cook me dinner, bring me a gift, do this, do that.” No. Here, the focus is on our presence, our very being, which may seem not seem like enough (if we judge it). Naturally, when someone I love is hurting, I want to set him/her free. So I struggle, because I know the truth: I can’t make it go away. It is what it is- painful, life-sucking, and really hard.  

For me, this poem is right on.  When I’m at my worst, weak and fragile, I tend to push people away and isolate myself.  In essence, I lock myself inside the jar with my fears, justifying my actions with the erroneous belief that nobody wants to see me like this.  But I’ve learned that when someone sits with us, weeps with us, stretches out a hand, and listens, we turn that lid just a little to the left. Even in our darkest hour, we do not have to crawl down the road alone.