I’m beat. We had a mealtime meltdown tonight. For a few minutes, my toddler was beside herself, virtually inconsolable. Then, suddenly, like the flip of a switch, she was eager to eat the turkey burger that she had just blatantly rejected. Once my daughter settled back into her highchair, my husband took one look at her and smiled, “Welcome Back.” 

Was she just “off” tonight, or is this a new phase?  Somebody please tell me it’s the former.  

For the most part, I’ve been pleased with my daughter’s eating habits. It’s something that I’ve diligently worked on from the start, and it’s certainly come with rewards; I have a happy, healthy, generally adventurous eater. These past few weeks, however, she’s proven more challenging. She has refused old favorites and seems to be exercising her will and voice. I find myself annoyed and frustrated: Who is this child and can somebody please return mine? It’s hard not to take it personally when your toddler is throwing homemade Chicken Parmesan overboard.  

Leave it to Dr. Sears to shed some light on a complicated developmental issue. In his article, 17 Tips for Pleasing the Picky Eater, he reaffirms parents about this challenging phase: 

For young children, what and how much they are willing to eat may vary daily. This capriciousness is due in large part to their ambivalence about independence, and eating is an area where they can act out this confusion. So don’t be surprised if your child eats a heaping plateful of food one day and practically nothing the next, adores broccoli on Tuesday and refuses it on Thursday, wants to feed herself at one meal and be totally catered to at another. As a parent in our practice said, “The only thing consistent about toddler feeding is inconsistency.” 

Aside from a lot of deep breaths (SERENITY NOW), there are a few strategies that seem to be carrying me through this picky period, and I wanted to share them with you:

Food Frenzy

1. Dip and Dunk. Get creative. My daughter loves hummus and pesto. Those have been two of our go-to dips when we’re eating chicken or fish. She won’t eat them plain, but either of those dips usually do the trick. Some kids love ketchup, mustard, yogurt, even pureed fruits. Let them dip and dunk!

2. More Cheese Please! Thank God for cheese. It makes everything taste better: spinach, broccoli, beans, hamburgers.  

3. Put it on a Cracker. Last week, I made a delicious Spinach Gratin and my daughter wouldn’t touch it (Mind you, in the past, it’s been a hit!). Once I offered it on her favorite whole wheat crackers, she was open to the idea. Crackers are often a great way to get the veggies down.  

4. Serve a 3-Course Meal. If I put a veggie, meat, and fruit on my daughter’s plate at all once, she’ll only eat the fruit. I always start with the least desirable food and finish with the most desirable food.  This way she is eating the least desirable food when she is the most hungry.

Mind Games

1. It’s probably NOT about the food. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that my sweet little toddler is exercising her will or asserting her independence. It wasn’t that long ago that she was completely reliant on me for everything. Knowing this helps me to approach mealtime with perspective and to avoid a power struggle or hurt feelings.  

2. Keep Your Cool. Your toddler is watching you- your every move and reaction. Don’t get angry. Be matter of fact: I see you don’t want peas tonight. That’s fine. Then, remove them fast before it’s raining peas. Tomorrow night offer them again, maybe with an enticing dip. 

3. Choose Your Words Wisely. My daughter is pickier right now, but I’m not going to tell her that. If I tell her that she’s picky, she’s likely to live up to that expectation. I think a lot of parenting is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stay positive and roll with it. The experts say this inconsistency is just a phase, so don’t give it more power than that.  

4. Don’t Be a Short Order Cook. I usually have a few options for dinner that include a veggie, protein/meat, and fruit. That’s it. Bribery doesn’t work for me (If you eat this, then you get this.) As much as it pains me to let my child go to bed hungry, I feel that it’s the most logical consequence for choosing not to eat. It’s her choice.  

At the end of the day, I think it’s important to have a flexible game plan that you can live with, one that’s congruent with your belief system. What is working for you right now, or what has worked in the past?  

Tags: Dr. Sears, food and nutrition, picky eaters, toddlers