Category: mind and body

Children and Water: What They Teach Us

Posted on July 2, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

The following guest post is written by author, performer, teacher, and inspirational speaker, Esther Adler.

Water is amazing in its power, grace, and beauty, and kids are naturally drawn to it. The closer children are to their birth, the more calming water is for them. That’s why sounds of the womb for a baby can help him/her fall asleep. That’s also why bath rituals before bedtime can help them to drift off as well.

While water can soothe and tire children, it can also energize them. I love to watch my children play on the beach for hours, running in and out of the waves, digging in the sand and collecting seashells. What’s amazing to me is that no toys are needed for hours of enjoyment; and yet in the house, they are helpless without the TV or computer, their “tools” or toys.

I believe kids are drawn to water, because they haven’t built up any barriers yet; they aren’t restricted by fear. Fear, in part, comes from ideas, thoughts and beliefs communicated by the adults in our lives. Fear is also brought upon by painful past experiences. One definition of fear is: the anticipation of pain. Children don’t anticipate pain, and so they are more in tune with their true selves. They are pure love energy, and they enter fully and freely into what they are doing. Children trust, and thus can easily learn to adapt to their surroundings- in this case, water.

We innately want to be around water, but as we grow up, our life pulls us away from it. Whenever I’m in the midst of a struggle, I turn to water and meditate. That’s how I find myself. But children are already there. They don’t need to turn it on, because it’s already on.

I love to take my kids to various reservations, where they can hang out in natural streams, lakes, and ponds. I love to take them to places where there might be waterfalls, ocean waves, or perhaps a bay for them to discover. We can create incredible learning experiences for our children by talking to them about different water environments, and about how although most of the earth is water, each body of water is different. We can also talk to them about the source of our drinking water and how we can preserve and protect this life-giving resource.

I think the more we watch our kids’ relationship to water, the more we can learn to be in tune with ourselves, to trust ourselves and to connect to different parts of who we are, and the universe as a whole.

Sometimes I look out at the vastness of the ocean, and I’m awed by its endlessness. We are that ocean, and yet we often feel like we are only a drop in it. Just as every water molecule in the ocean is interconnected, so are we. Each wave wouldn’t be a wave if it wasn’t part of the ocean. What’s one wave without the others following? One leads into the other, supports the other. If you took a cup of water from the ocean, that water would still be of the ocean. The further you separate from it, the less of a “wave” it will be, but it will always be of the ocean. And so it is with us.

Our children can play for hours, being supported by the water and in turn learning to trust themselves and each other. A beautiful relationship begins. We can try to reach into our inner child and release, to trust and let the universe guide us and hold us, and to ultimately find ways to hold each other.

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PeaceLoveMom Giveaway

Posted on June 29, 2009 in giveaways, mind and body

After my daughter was born, my husband bought me a thermal long-sleeve that had “Peace Love Mom” emblazoned across the front. Attached was a tag that read: “Motherhood does not define us. We define it.” Mmmm . . .I loved that message, so much so that it still sits atop my dresser. On the hardest of days, it’s a gentle reminder that I have the power to define each moment with my child and to celebrate motherhood as a gift and an honor. I am one lucky mom!

PeaceLoveMom was started by a trio of women with a common goal- to celebrate motherhood. This lifestyle brand company creates designs that empower and celebrate mothers everywhere.

Naturally, I’ve added a few more to my collection. I can’t help myself. They are so cute and comfy, and I feel good when I wear them. I want to shout, “I’m a happy mom!” from the mountaintops and share my smile with the world:

Check out these sizzling summer tanks with a flattering neckline and a message that’s oh, so fun!

PeaceLoveMom has generously offered one turnitupmom reader the chance to win a “Lucky Mom” tee, in mint green (size M). These soft, jersey tees have a stylish cap sleeve, tapered waist, and vintage feel.

While they are famous for their mom apparel, PeaceLoveMom offers kids apparel, baby items, notepads, accessories, and more!

And now for the GIVEAWAY: Please visit PeaceLoveMom. Then, come back and tell us which 2 products are your favorite AND one little thing that makes you a “lucky mom,” or (if you’re not a mom) just a lucky person, in general. Be sure to leave an email address where you may be reached.

On Sunday, July 19, one winner will be randomly selected by Random.org. You must be a U.S. resident (18+) to enter. Good LUCK!

Congratulations, #4, Tina! You are the PeaceLoveMom winner!

45 Comments

I Need Sun.

Posted on June 25, 2009 in mind and body

There is an immense, dark cloud looming over northern Jersey, and it’s stubborn. That’s putting it nicely. It has rained for days, and I’m starting to go a little nuts. I’m craving the sun, like I crave chocolate. It’s summer, a time to be outside. I have waited all winter for this (well, not for this). I can’t imagine living in Seattle or London.

The sun cultivates an energy within me, like none other. When that warm sun beats down on me, I feel alive. It revs up my engine; it recharges my batteries. It tugs at me to come outside and linger, to play, to get moving, to tend my garden.

I think I might be solar-powered. I feel depleted.

Every Saturday morning, I stare out the dining room windows, feeling sorry for all of those June brides. People say rain is good luck. Yeah, well so is stepping in sh-. Neither one is my friend.

Enough whining. I am trying to find the silver lining. There won’t be a drought this summer, that’s for sure. And the plants are getting what they need to do that photosynthesizing thing. And I’m lucky enough to live in a place that hasn’t been victimized by hurricanes or tornados or destructive forces of nature. And the French drains in the basement work.

I am going to hunker down with a big ‘ol bowl of homemade mac and cheese (with bacon). This, too, shall pass.

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Fitting in Fitness

Posted on June 23, 2009 in mind and body

I can think of a thousand reasons not to exercise: too busy, too tired, too boring, even too stressful (which defeats the purpose). Here are some tips that help me to get up and get moving!

1. Put yourself on your “to-do” list. On my grand to-do list today was a dance class, just for me. As mothers, we must care for ourselves with the same love and gentility that we give to others. Where are YOU on your to-do list today? If you’re not there, I’d challenge you to make yourself a priority. It’s not selfish; it’s self-care! Exercising gives us the physical and mental energy we need to be fully present to those we love. There’s truth to these lyrics: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy . . .”

2. Do something that brings you joy. I happen to love dance. But maybe for you, it’s tennis, swimming, or kick-boxing. Do something that puts a smile on your face. If you love the outdoors, ride your bike or go for a hike. Exercising isn’t meant to be drudgery, but we’ve made it just that. It’s not just about losing weight, although working off those brownies isn’t a bad thing. In truth, it’s about getting the blood going, recharging our batteries, and having FUN.

3. Call a friend. Friends hold us accountable. If I have committed to a friend, I am far less likely to bail out and let her down, as I would myself. Sad, but true. If we are meeting at the park at 5 p.m., I’ll be there . . .fashionably late, as always.

4. Don’t beat yourself up. Do you ever notice that New Years’ Resolutions never work? That’s because we create goals that we can’t meet, and the minute we fall off track, we lose faith and give up. Maybe next year. I’m too hard on myself and need to set realistic expectations. I’d rather commit to dance twice a week and actually do it, than set myself up for failure. Be gentle. Acknowledge what you DO, rather than what you don’t do.

5. Just Do It! As much as I love to dance, there are days when I don’t want to go. I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I’m mentally exhausted, whatever. But it is in these moments when I most need to exercise, to just do it. On these days, I dig deep and push myself and go, and I’m always thankful that I did.

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A Gal Pal: Every Woman Needs One

Posted on June 17, 2009 in mind and body, relationships

I’m staring down at my toenails right now, speckled in remnants of “Oh So Glam” from the last wedding I attended. Seriously, these nasty nails need some TLC. Come to think of it, I could use a little TLC too.

What’s a girl gonna do? Regis, I’d like to phone a friend. A gal pal. That friend who you call when you need a break and a little something to jazz up your day- a new pair of shoes, a foot massage, a cup ‘o java. At the beginning of flip-flop season, I always call my friend Ange: “It’s pedi time!”

It’s the best of both worlds: girl bonding and pampering. And the pampering begins with a “big” decision: Which color will define you for the next few months? The search for the perfect shade is no small task, as it’s never confined to mere color; the actual name is key. Here’s me over-complicating OPI nail polish colors:

Makes Men Blush. Yeah, not feeling “hot” today.

Room Service. Forget room service. How about a vacation? A vacation would be nice.

It’s a Doozi, Says Suzi. Sounds like this afternoon’s diaper.

No Room for the Blues. Like that name, but it’s blue. Can’t look at that all summer.

Twenty Candles on my Cake. Dream on, honey.

Kiss on the Chic. Okay, that’s sweet. Hold that one.

Senorita Rose-alita. Oh, reminds me of that Phil Vassar song I love, about high school sweethearts. Possibility.

Your Villa or Mine? Villa. I like that word. Villa means vacation. I’m noticing a trend here.

And so it goes, until I’m forced to choose or Ange shares her polish (yet another reason why I love her). Then, for an hour, I shirk my mommy responsibilities, sink into a sumptuous leather massage chair, and undergo the transformation to “Senorita Rose-alita.” Meanwhile, my gal pal and I dish the latest news- in our lives and in People magazine. Every woman needs one of those friends who she can call for a little escape- whether that’s chatting over a cup of coffee, or under a nail dryer.

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Enter Sandman

Posted on June 5, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body, small moments

Here is how it all started- the story behind “turnitupmom.”

It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, or so I thought. My three-month-old daughter, Liza, and I were still in our pajamas, bouncing to Steve Miller Band’s Jungle Love. Somehow the lyrics “drivin’ me mad, makin’ me crazy” seemed all too appropriate. Liza had been awake for seven hours straight, and I was running out of silly Mary Poppins-like antics to keep her content. She’d resisted the traditional methods of settling down, and I needed to come up with something, and fast. Clearly, she needed a nap. Clearly, I needed one too.

While I’m not a voracious reader of parenting manuals and how-to guides (Let’s face it, there is no manual.), I did expect that my daughter would respond well to the recipe for a happy baby: swaddle, sway, and shush. I envisioned her nestling into the crook of my arm and drifting off to sleep, lulled by classical melodies. Quite to the contrary, she squirmed free of my futile attempts to cuddle close with a warm, cozy blanket. I spent days grasping for straws until I realized that she required something a bit more edgy than “The Muffin Man.” That’s when I turned to my husband’s eclectic music collection.

That afternoon, we ripped up the dance floor (Okay, the linoleum kitchen tiles.), bouncing and grooving to the music. And the louder, the better. Liza closed her tiny fingers around my shirtsleeve, and we clung to each other. We whirled past kitchen counters strewn with bottles and dirty dishes, and we twirled in circles, dizzying ourselves. We weren’t waltzing to a Brahms lullaby, and yet I felt a deep sense of comfort separate from the rest of the world. It was an unmistakable bond with my daughter, as I gave myself permission to dance with a childlike abandon and wonder.

Despite my utter exhaustion, an untapped stream of energy rose from deep within and gave way to flirtation with a light, carefree me. I wasn’t going to need a Richard Simmons video to get this body back in shape. I was sweatin’ to everything from Michael Jackson to Metallica. Before long, that room was filled with laughter, singing, and a curiously content baby. But God, did I need a shower.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it; my husband and I were quiet babies, content to sit and gaze and bat our hands at colorful rattles. I half-expected our daughter to be the same. It was in this moment that I made a conscious effort to shift my thinking. Instead of wishing her to be otherwise, I began to embrace all that she was- a curious, wide-eyed, active baby who made me laugh- instead of all that she wasn’t. And we danced. What emerged from this moment was the opportunity for me to know my child and to rediscover myself.

Did she fall asleep? Of course she did. After a few minutes, Liza nestled her head into the space under my chin and tucked her knees up into my chest. Her eyelids grew heavy and her body, limp. Although the couch was enticing, my heart told me to savor this moment. I pressed my lips against her forehead and continued to rock. Here I was, mommy-gone-mad, with a sense of calm falling around me. I, too, closed my eyes and let go, knowing that in a matter of months, her little tushy wouldn’t fit in the palm of my hand. My nap could wait. I didn’t ever want to wish that we had danced more.

I often ask myself, why does my daughter love to dance? Maybe it’s the rocking motion that simulates the womb or the liveliness of the music, but I have to believe that it’s more than that. Perhaps Liza is giving me exactly what I need- the chance to stop, to breathe, and to be fully present. Somewhere along the line, between juggling work and the inability to say “no,” I had suppressed my most basic need to be and to honor all that I am.

Liza had her own agenda from the moment of conception. What I didn’t know was that it would come in the form of a gift, one that transcended my expectations.

The serendipity of it all is that one week later, I slipped on a pair of brand new jazz shoes and headed off to dance, this time with a group of women who love to sweat. Every week I do this for myself- for my body, my spirit, and a guilt-free break. Who do I have to thank for this? My little Liza who, literally, doesn’t miss a beat. Thanks to her, I’ve been reacquainted with the happy-go-lucky girl who could pirouette, slide into a split, and steal the show. (Although, I must admit that after delivering a baby, the thought of a split makes me cringe and contract my pelvic muscles.) Because of dance, we have a few more funky songs on our playlist and a few new moves for our kitchen repertoire. Because of dance, I have reconnected with a freer side of myself that I’d lost in the trenches of life. Liza gave me the push I needed to step out onto the dance floor again and to linger in moments of sheer fun.

I have since plunged into this new role, at times wacky and wild, and while it differs from the challenges of classroom instruction, it demands a similar creativity and freshness. Every day Liza cracks me up, and some days I wonder where she came from. Although, in truth, I’ve come to believe that while our children are of us, they are not us.

My husband and I joke that someday our daughter will be the last child to conk out at her first slumber party. But for now, I have come to appreciate the fact that I can “sway” my daughter to sleep, even if it means cranking up a little classic Metallica. And maybe- just maybe- the Sandman will pay us a visit.

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Less Is More

Posted on June 1, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

There is something cathartic about getting rid of stuff. It’s freeing. In fact, I actually get a bit jealous when I drive past a heap of trash piled at the end of someone’s driveway, because potentially, that someone’s basement or bedroom is less cluttered. And if she’s like me (let’s be honest, he doesn’t notice), so is her mind.

Recently, I’ve felt guilty (just a little) about my eagerness to purge. You know, I love singing Jack Johnson’s “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” song, but I’ll admit, throwing things away isn’t exactly living up to my end of the reuse bargain. Somebody, somewhere wants my trash, bless her soul.

Feeling the need to bid farewell to Precious Moments and the chotchkies of my youth, we teamed up with our neighbors last weekend to have a giant garage sale. I don’t need 15 Yankee Candles (the infamous teacher gift) or 5 silicone spatulas. I’m not keeping them “just in case. . .” That’s hogwash.

Over the years, I have developed a “Less is More” philosophy. I don’t need things to live a full, rich life. I need a clean, open space for my thoughts.

I felt liberated watching people genuinely happy to walk off with my trash. I’d much rather it sit on someone else’s bookshelf than in a landfill. Here’s the best part: Our very last customer was a woman who has an orphanage in Haiti. She filled her car with my remaining five boxes of stuff, for free of course. Honestly, I would have paid her to take my junk.

Before she left, the woman scribbled down her phone number. So the next time I feel the need to grab a garbage bag and toss, I’m going to pick up the phone instead. And bless her soul, she’ll cart it all away.

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“Me Time” for Mom

Posted on May 28, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

I have never met a mom who didn’t feel the need for “me time.” While I am so grateful for the privilege to be a mom, I recognize the need to regularly recharge my batteries. I asked six wonderful women to share a snapshot of how they sneak in a little time for themselves. I think you’ll find their thoughts to be funny, authentic, and down-right true!

I steal free time. Rather than wait for my husband to offer it, I just grab the car keys and announce to whoever might be in the room, “I’m going to a movie!” I then show up at the theater and watch whatever happens to be starting next. In other words, my “me time” is spent with my brain unplugged. Whether it’s watching “Deadliest Catch” marathons on Discovery while my husband takes the boys to Best Buy to play Guitar Hero or it’s my wandering aimlessly around a movie theater until the nachos run out, I approach my time alone with absolutely no goals other than to zone out and recharge. And maybe gain five pounds while I’m at it.

-Megan, Velveteen Mind

I have learned that no one will give me my “me time” – I have to find it, own it, and protect it. I carve out at least 15 minutes every morning to write or read while drinking a cup of ginger tea or decaf coffee. It is a nice quiet way to start my day before my kids wake up. I also have a weekly mom’s night out. My husband picks up my boys from preschool and I have the entire night off. On a monthly basis, I schedule a girl’s night out with one or more of my friends. And on an annual basis, I leave my family and go on vacation all by myself. All of these activities honor my needs, passions, and authentic self. “Me time” keeps me balanced and it gives me the mental bandwidth to live my life (on most days) with intention.

-Stacey, Create a Balance

After I put my girls to bed, I immediately change into my yoga clothes and recharge by doing an hour and a half of Ashtanga yoga. Oh wait. That’s not it. I mean, I change into my Juicy sweatpants, sit on the couch, drink a glass of wine and watch “Gossip Girl” or “Rescue Me.” Yup, that’s how I recharge.

-Kelcey, The Mama Bird Diaries

I danced all throughout my childhood, but as I became older, I gave it up. About seven years ago I saw belly dance classes popping up all over Denver and I took a few with different teachers, but I always had a hard time with the schedule. When my son started preschool this past September, I asked the Universe for a teacher because I wanted to dance again. She appeared, and since then I have been dancing 3-4 days a week. I have re-discovered my sensuality, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that I am getting in shape. But most importantly belly dance is a woman’s dance, and it allows me to reconnect to my true self and to the Goddess. The beauty of this dance is that it is welcoming to women of all shapes, sizes and ages. In fact, dare I say as you get older, you get better.

-Dina, Walking Within the Spiral

One of the ways I find some me time is to lock myself in the bathroom and take a hot bath. My husband will also take my girls out occasionally on a “daddy date,” and it’s nice to just have some down time to myself to exercise, shop, whatever!

-Blonde Mom Blog

And from the expectant mom:

With only 13 or so weeks left until my first child arrives, my “me time” lately has been spent doing a lot of baby preparations. When I actually have free “me time,” my favorite thing to do is to go to a great bookstore on a Saturday morning and peruse the shelves looking for a new read. Once I’ve chosen a new book (or magazine, depending on my mood), I enjoy heading over to my local coffee shop to have an omelette and read. It always feels like such an indulgence. Taking a couple of quiet hours just for me helps me to recharge. My husband is very “kid friendly,” so I’m hoping that after the baby arrives I’ll still be able to indulge in my Saturday morning “me time” every once in awhile.

-ChitChatMom

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Waiting: Do You Think I Have All Day?

Posted on May 27, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

I used to hate waiting. Waiting rooms. Waiting on line. Waiting for the freight train to pass. It’s my impatient, Jersey, I-have-somewhere-to-be mentality.

Yesterday, I had an appointment at a doctor’s office that is notorious for making me wait. I mean, really wait. Long, torturous hours. It makes my blood boil. The audacity! This appointment had the power to ruin my entire afternoon.

But yesterday was different. I entered the waiting room childless (childless may be the operative word here), with my reading materials, ready to wait. Bring it. I’ve got all day. Well, as long as I’m outta here by 3:30.

I relaxed into one of the cushiony, leather chairs and perused the latest Real Simple magazine, which usually accumulates dust on my nightstand for months before I have the opportunity to open it. By then, I’m reading about summer skin care in January. What good is that?

I’ll have you know that yesterday, I actually read entire articles without transforming into a human jungle gym, without a little person crawling on me or tugging at my pants. It was liberating just to sit and wait, to read something that made me laugh out loud (embarrassing at times) or wonder Is this blogging material? I never once glanced at the clock, annoyed.

Heck, if waiting is the closest I can get to time alone, I’ll take it.

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Women’s Empowerment Series: Blogging Forum

Posted on May 21, 2009 in mind and body

Yesterday, I was honored to be a guest speaker at the Women’s Empowerment (WE) Series in Ridgewood, NJ. This powerful program sets out to nurture the creative, contemplative nature of women through on-going conversation. It’s for women “who yearn for a slice of urban intellect in the wilds of suburbia.” And yes, it is wild.

I was joined by two highly successful, accomplished bloggers. Deborah Smith is the owner and editor of JerseyBites.com, a blog dedicated to recipes and restaurants in the Garden State. Deborah is “on a quest for food with attitude,” the mark of a true Jersey girl! She is also the creator of “Blogging Out Hunger,” a campaign which raised money and awareness on behalf of the Community Foodbank of New Jersey this past December. Deborah is a long-time online business owner of NannyClassifieds.com, servicing families who are searching for full time in-home childcare.

Jen Singer, creator of MommaSaid.net, has been successfully blogging since 2003, and has since appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers, including The New York Times, Parents, and Real Simple. Jen has also appeared on dozens of television and radio programs, such as ABC’s World News Now and CBS The Early Show. Jen’s new book, Stop Second Guessing Yourself– The Toddler Years, just hit bookshelves in April, and is the first in a series of MommaSaid parenting advice books.

Are you looking for my list of accolades? Stop looking. You won’t find them here. I was the voice of the new blogger on the block. As some of you know from my post If You Build It, They Will Come, I have always wanted to be a “real” writer. Yesterday, I met so many women like me, itching to come out of their writer’s notebooks, but fearful of taking the plunge. I hear you! The blogosphere is another world with its own language and set of rules, and when you make the leap, you have to know who YOU are.

Each morning, I wake up knowing that I have the power to write something that will resonate with other moms. So here I am, happily suburban, with my Mac and my thoughts. My blog is a lot like me, a work in progress.

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