Category: mind and body

Posted on January 17, 2010 in mind and body

For the past few months, I have been flipping through my stash of old magazines, collecting words, phrases, quotes, and pictures that inspire and make me smile.

Looking back on the process, I learned a lot about myself from what I both chose to include and chose not to  include.

Here are some things I learned about myself: 

• I value creativity and discovery in myself and my family. 

• If you gave me $100, I’d probably spend it on organizational tools for my home, plants for my garden, or All-Clad pots (Umm . . . only $100? Maybe a ladle).

• If I could only do one thing today, I’d have family tickle time. It’s raw fun and laughter at its best.

• While I live in an area that’s fast-paced, I’d rather take the slow road. 

• I’m a work in progress. Someday I’ll be organized (See organizational tools above). 

• If I knew that I couldn’t fail, I would write a book or plant fields of lilacs.

• I daydream about having my own creative sanctuary (aka home office) with sunlight streaming through the windows. 

• I believe that we all have the power to make a positive impact on our world, no matter how great or small. 

• I’m attracted to “B” words like breathe, being, believe, bloom.  

Okay, enough analyzing.

If someone asked you to create a poster that shows who you are and what you want for your life, could you do it? What words, phrases, or quotes would you include? What pictures? 

Posted on January 12, 2010 in mind and body

In the past, I’ve dreaded winter. It’s long, dark, and cold, so for someone who loves gardening, sun, and the outdoors, winter is my arch nemesis. Each year, I approach it with disdain. I’m tired of waging war. I always lose. 

In the spirit of anticipation at Steady Mom, I’ve decided to create an Anticipation List, a list of things that I’m looking forward to this year (thus far). Here’s a start: 

• Seeing a Broadway show in NYC (date night coming soon!)
• Taking my daughter to her first live performance of Elmo at Madison Square Garden
• Finishing the book, The Art of Racing in the Rain
• Trying new recipes from American’s Test Kitchen Best of 2009
• Biking along new trails on Long Island
• Holding my nephew, Hudson, for the first time (due in March)
• Taking some organic gardening classes through the NYBG
• Building an 8 x 8 raised vegetable garden
• Receiving my heirloom vegetable seeds in the mail
• Discovering if my composting efforts really did work
• Seeing extended family at my cousin’s wedding in Bar Harbor, ME
• Picking up my daughter from her first day of preschool (Her teacher taught me!)
• Teaching the little one how to ride a tricycle

I have a lot to look forward to this year, and this list is just the beginning. I don’t need to put on my boxing gloves. Winter happens. But while I feel trapped inside, I can step back and daydream about all that is to come- new experiences, new growth, new life. Thank you, winter, for the gift of anticipation. I’m not going down easily this time.

What is on your Anticipation List for 2010?

This post is a part of the Moms’ 30-Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom. 

Posted on December 20, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Aaron Geller

Last week, a friend commented, “Did you get a haircut? Love the hair!”

“No, I just did it,” I laughed, brushing off the ridiculous amount of time it takes to tame my wild mane.

I don’t choose to spend much time in the bathroom, with a hairdryer and a flat-iron. I prefer the extra hour of sleep in the morning, or the chance to watch a mindless TV show at night, which means that my hair is usually in a ponytail. So I’m not the hottest mom on the block. My daughter still thinks I’m pretty cool. 

This incident sheds light on one of my biggest challenges: time management. As a SAHM, I arguably have more time on my hands than ever before, and yet I feel like I’m never satisfied with my abilities as a home manager. I’m not juggling a career, a home, and a family, so why is this so hard to manage?

A few months ago, I read something at Simple Mom that resonated with me: “Every choice we make in life is both a choice to do something and a choice to not do something.” 

I can choose to stay in my pajamas and read books and play with legos, but that means choosing not to do chores. 

I can choose to prepare dinner during naptime, but that means no computer time. 

I can choose to fold laundry, but that means not spending quality time with my child (although we have had some laundry laughing incidents involving mommy’s underwear on our heads). 

You get my point. 

If staying at home is just about playing and mothering, I am more than measuring up. But it’s not. Here’s my problem: I can’t justify focusing on the mundane tasks of everyday life when I could be making the most of the reason why I choose to stay home in the first place. Little fingers. Little hugs. Little giggles. Little phrases. (Even little problems.) Honestly, I’m afraid to blink. 

I’m consciously working to re-program my thinking about my role as a SAHM. Here’s what I’ve begun to do: 

• Make a mental to-do list of things that I WANT to do each day. Sometimes it’s easy to feel trapped as a SAHM, but I’ve found that replacing “have to” with “want to” is freeing. Being intentional gives me focus and purpose, and I generally feel happier, because I control the outcome of the day (rather than feeling like a slave to all that needs to get done). Does that mean I never do chores? No. Sometimes I bang out 3 loads of laundry at once. Ironically, I’m more productive when I allow myself the freedom to choose. 

• Eliminate “should” from my vocabulary. Rather than saying, “I should be doing those dishes,” I acknowledge what I’m choosing to do instead. Yesterday, when I ran out the door to dance class, the sink was piled high with dishes. I had to let that go for the time being in order to do something that replenishes my own well. Although I paid for it later, it was well worth it. 

• Recognize that every decision is a both a choice to do and not to do. Just the mere acknowledgement that I’m choosing one thing over another adds clarity to my day when I look around at the piles and messes. Maybe I didn’t file the bills. Instead, I took my daughter to story hour at the library, filled the car with gas, and picked up dinner at the supermarket. When I focus on what I have chosen to do, I can live with what I’ve chosen not to do. 

• Ask myself: Are my actions congruent with my priorities? I almost never choose housekeeping over playing. The reason is simple: I wanted to be present for the little moments (the good, the bad, and the ugly; okay, maybe not the ugly). So here’s my confession: My husband and I have budgeted for someone to clean our home twice a month. Playing is a priority for me; mopping floors isn’t. 

I don’t know a single mom who doesn’t struggle with how she spends her day: Am I giving enough time to my children? Am I giving enough time to my spouse, my home, myself? This concept of choosing has helped me to align my priorities and my mental to-do list in a way that feels good. Would it feel good to have a few more “Love the hair” compliments too? Absolutely. But for now, that’s pretty far down on the list.

Posted on October 27, 2009 in family fun, mind and body

Photo by MarksandSparks

My daughter is a light sleeper. Around 6:45 a.m. every morning, I’m inevitably lying in bed wishing I could catch a few more winks (if only I didn’t have to pee). Instead, I tend to hold onto the last few moments of silent stillness and curse the sun for rising. My bladder can wait. I think.     

Some days it’s easier to wake up than others (with a smile on my face). Take last Monday, for example. I was sluggish. It was dark and rainy outside. I felt unmotivated to go out, but we had somewhere to be. I was in the mood for popcorn and a movie and lounging in my pajamas. It was one of those days.

Parenting isn’t a part time job. From my experience I can’t just check out when I’m not in the mood for discovering a new day- the /ch/ sound, the number 9, the phrase “oh yeah.” The old saying goes: Fake it till you make it. That’s what I did.

I shuffled into the kitchen with my well-rested toddler, bright-eyed and eager to play. I switched on the iPod, turned up the volume to Disco Inferno, and at 7:30 a.m. we had an all-out dance party. Tambourines, rhythm sticks, and shakers. We started off the day laughing, and the music was just enough to give me the boost I needed to feel awake and alive.  

I’ve started to think that this might be a fun ritual for kids before heading off to school. It’s a naturally energizing shared experience and everyone feels good. Sit down with your kids to make a playlist. Then, on a dark and dreary Monday morning, crank up the music. And don’t be afraid to show off those old dance moves. Your kids will laugh and love you for it!  

What are mornings like in your house?  Would music make a difference?  What songs would be a must-have on your family’s playlist? 

**This post is a part of the Moms’ 30 Minute Blog Challenge at Steady Mom**

Posted on September 29, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Bikes by the Sea

The following post was inspired by Finding the Balance of Mind and Body at Home @ Simple Mom. 

I love biking. I love how I can glide down a moderate hill, pierce the air, and feel free.  When I’m riding, even if it’s just around the block, my face softens and all the tension and ridiculousness of the day fades away. I’m not a serious biker; I do it for the timeless fun and nostalgia. 

When I first learned to ride, I was awkward and hesitant (and wishing I was in the back of a tandem beach cruiser).  Everything needed to be in sync- steering, pedaling, posture, weight distribution- and while I’d master one thing, I’d lose another. Inevitably, I’d wobble and fall.  

I think it’s safe to say that most of us struggle to find balance.  If you don’t, I applaud you. But if you’re anything like me, an all-or-nothing type, then losing your balance is commonplace. Your career is fulfilling but your home is in disarray.  Your relationships are deep and meaningful but you’re struggling to stay afloat financially. We hear it all the time: “Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride.” Well, that’s assuming that you’re on the bike.  But when you’ve fallen off, how do you pick yourself back up and move forward?

The Wheel of Life (printable pdf) is an excellent tool to assess where you are right now and where you want to be.  I would invite you to join me in completing this exercise:

• Imagine that the center point of the circle is the least desirable place to be and that the outside of the circle is the most desirable place.  
• For each category listed on the lines (you may wish to change or add some categories based on your values), mark a dot on the line that indicates where you are right now.  The closer you place your dot to the perimeter of the circle, the more content you are with this aspect of your life.
• When you have drawn a dot on each line, connect the dots.  How does your wheel look?  Which dots are closest to the center? Where is your wheel most warped? Most importantly, could you ride on it? 

Ultimately, the Wheel of Life exercise helps to identify those areas of your life that need attention.  Right now, mine are physical activity (I created this category), home environment, and spirituality.  Once you have identified these areas, what 3 specific things are you going to do to improve these areas of your life? Now here’s the hard part: Go do them!

Falling is a part of life. It’s normal and healthy. Adjusting and picking ourselves up is normal and healthy too. My hope is that this post gives you the push to do what you need to do in order to have the life that you want to have. Enjoy the ride!

The Wheel of Life was taken from the Business Management forms at Sohnen-Moe Associates. 

Posted on September 28, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by jenny downing

. . .the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that . . .absolutely anything may happen.

-Monica Baldwin, English writer

Posted on September 25, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Rennett Stowe

My husband recently emailed me the link to a New York Times op-ed entitled Facebook Exodus.  With it, he wrote in jest: “Maybe we are on the cutting edge of cool . . . it seems the coolest may be leaving Facebook. And we never even joined.”  

Yes, I’m one of those; I’ve resisted Facebook.  And yes, I’ve taken some heat for it.  At times, my ambivalence has left me feeling guilty (when my family posts pictures), but not guilty enough to add this online social network to my to-do list.  I’m already pulled in too many directions, and like many of you, I’m struggling to find the balance between connecting and disconnecting.  It’s just too easy to crack open my laptop and to have the world at my fingertips: Oh, I’ll just check this one thing. This one blog. This one online shop. This one . . . An hour later, I’m kicking myself for not having opened a book, the same one I’ve been trying to finish since July. 

This isn’t about Facebook. It’s about knowing where to draw the line and asking: Is how I’m choosing to spend my time really what I want?  

I am not suggesting that we completely unplug. Most of us wouldn’t want that. Instead, we’d like to reclaim the wasted hours. The bottom line is this: There are only 24 hours in a day, and last I checked, God isn’t adding an extra hour. Our challenge is to strike a balance that we can live with and to use our time well. We text, we tweet, we friend, we google, we even send virtual drinks. Let’s face it, we’re tweeting what’s for dinner, and we’ve invited Big Brother to sit at the table.  Is this really what we want?

Posted on September 3, 2009 in mind and body

Photo by Mi Pah

In general, we moms put a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves, creating unwritten expectations that reflect an obsession with busyness.  Do you ever say NO to your to-do list in favor of doing nothing? Do you ever catch a few winks in the middle of the day just because you can?  Do you ever allow yourself the time to slow down, lounge, read, or reflect? Doing nothing is a conscious choice, and for me, a no-brainer. Often, this means forgoing a load of laundry in favor of curling up on the couch for a mid-afternoon siesta. My telling you this feels like a confession.  It almost feels wrong; and yet when my head hits the pillow, it’s definitely not wrong.  

Like many moms, I am trying to discover the secret behind managing a home and a family (while maintaining some sanity).  Being that we live in a society of doers, it’s easy to feel guilty about doing “nothing”.  I find that even when people preach about being, the truth of the matter is that many Americans today are fast-paced, highly scheduled, and obsessed with productivity and measurable results. Frankly, we’re afraid to do nothing.  We’ve equated doing nothing with being unproductive and lazy.  

Maybe doing nothing deserves more credit.  Doesn’t a happy, well-rested mom count for something?  

For me, motherhood is not about what I want/need to do today. Rather, it’s about how I want/need to be today. While the first one is goal-oriented and focuses on measurable results, the second focuses on our presence and state of mind.  For a moment, let’s combine the two: How do I want to be while I’m doing what I want/need to do?  Don’t get me wrong: I love clean bathrooms and countertops, but not if it means lacking the energy to smile, laugh, and listen at the dinner table. The reality is that we all have stuff to do. I’m not denying that.  What I’m suggesting is that we give ourselves permission, if only for a few minutes, to turn off the “doer” switch and recharge our batteries.  At the end of the day, we’re better off.

Posted on August 28, 2009 in family fun, mind and body

Photo by tskdesign

Picture, for a moment, the perfect summer day: sunny, 80 degrees, low humidity, a cool breeze. Where I live, these days are unexpected gifts (My ruthless, curly hair can attest to that.) While the modern convenience of air conditioning serves its purpose, nothing beats opening up the windows and inviting in the fresh air.

In the Northeast, September may very well be one of the best months to enjoy the fresh air without breaking a sweat from a walk to the mailbox which, for me, is about ten feet. Below are some ideas for making the most of the outdoors with your children without changing your daily schedule, routines, or activities.

1. Dine al Fresco: Much of our food originates from the soil or from animals that graze in “open” spaces.  For me, it feels good to eat in the natural environment and connect to the earth, the source of good food.  So, change things up a bit and serve breakfast outside.  Call me a romantic, but fresh air stirs my blood and awakens my senses.  What a great way to start the day!  

2. Drive with the Windows Down: Whenever I roll down the car windows, my daughter instinctively waves her arms and legs and lets out this giggly, contagious laugh. “Weeee!” I exclaim from the front seat, for a little extra rollercoaster effect. As the wind whips in one window and out another, it ushers in an energy that invigorates the soul. In fact, I can’t not sing when I feel so alive.  And sometimes that’s just what you need when you’re running the same old errands, day after day.  

3. Snack with a Story: Many small children eat a mid-morning snack.  This is a great opportunity for storytime. Grab your favorite books, a snack, and a blanket and recline in the shade or the sun (for a little vitamin D).  Not only are you enjoying the fresh air, but you are teaching your child that reading is fun, relaxing, and worthy of a special time and space.  

4. Hang Your Laundry Under the Sun: Many moms do at least one load of laundry a day.  I will admit, I am not one of those moms.  I do, however, have a clothesline.  Bring your wet clothes outside and hang them on a clothesline, letting little ones help out with an otherwise tedious chore.  Breathe in clean, fresh air and smell the grass as your clothes soak up these good smells.  

5. Shop at an Outdoors Farmers’ Market: Support your local economy by buying fresh food from family farmers.  This sure beats another trip to an overcrowded supermarket, where fruits have traveled from Brazil. I love the idea of nourishing my body with food from my own “backyard.”  Indulge your senses in the fresh smells of ripe produce, grass-fed meats, local wines, cheeses, and more!  Visit LocalHarvest to find a farmers’ market near you.  

6. Play Outside: You have all winter to play indoors.  So step outside and let your creative juices flow! Grab some sidewalk chalk and reconnect with your inner artist.  Or if you have a swingset, swing high alongside your child and let your imagination soar: Remember swinging over alligator infested lagoons? As you feel the wind blow past, pretend that you’re flying free.  Let go of your obligations and breathe in sheer fun.   

7. Get Moving!: My daughter typically wakes up from her nap around 3:00, at which time I’m suffering from sleepiness (if I haven’t napped too).  This is my cue to get up and get out.  It’s hard to fit in exercise with kids. Grab the stroller, double stroller, or bikes (if the kids are older), and head outside for a nice brisk walk or jog.  Pay attention to your breath.  Notice colors and textures.  Feel yourself awaken and your soul open up to possibility.  

8. Turn Off the TV: Trade a televised sporting event for the real deal!  Again, go local!  On a Saturday afternoon, pile the kids in the minivan and support your local high school athletics program.  It’s cheap, fun, and gets everyone outdoors for some fresh air.  This is a great opportunity to expose small children to healthy competition, spirit, and team work.  Plus, there’s usually plenty of space for them to run around!

11. Choose the Farthest Spot: When most people enter a parking lot, they naturally look for a spot closest to their destination.  What if we parked farther away?  Would it hurt to walk the extra 50 yards? Parking lots are often spaces of tension.  Avoid the madness and enjoy the walk.  Breathe in peace, breathe out frustration.  

10. Fire Up the Grill: I love the smell of charcoal on a warm summer night.  I associate it with family barbecues, lightning bugs, citronella candles, and watermelon.  Why heat up the kitchen when the outside temperature is mild and only calls for a sweatshirt?  My feeling is this: Take advantage of the grill for as long as you can, and hold onto those memories of summer.  

Posted on July 29, 2009 in life lessons, mind and body

This week, I am by the sea- a place that, in the past, has connected me to my own internal flow, a place that has slowed me, a place that has offered quiet and rest.  So I thought it fitting to pack Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea, a timeless classic that opens me up to the contemplative.  I thought I’d re-read it this week; I don’t know what I was thinking.  

This summer I have a toddler, so naturally, the beach is somewhat different. There are schedules, obligations, and choices, and it takes effort–a striking contradiction– to relax. There is little silence.  I have yet to nap in the shade, lulled to sleep by the cadence of the waves.  Instead, I’m digging in the sand (in those brief moments when my child has forgotten about her obsession with sand-free sandals), filling and refilling buckets with water, watching, responding, fighting my need for a thoughtless moment alone. I am not complaining; my family has taken on a new shape, one that changes my experience of vacation. 

This week, I wanted to bring to you my reflections on Gift from the Sea, but this won’t be possible.  It would be hypocritical of me to spend all of my down time typing at the expense of being present.  So, I won’t.  But I can tell you this: I have much to learn from the sea.  Roll with it.  Shift.  Release.  

These truths have opened me up to finding moments every day where I take a self-inventory of my emotions- the ebb and flow of my needs and desires. Just this awareness alone offers quiet amidst noise and enables me to cling to the positive and appreciate the beauty of each moment.  I am finding that when I’m in tune with my core, I can “see” more clearly and shift with the shape of a different vacation.  

I may not be putting a dent in some of those summer reads, but I am looking out over a wide ocean that teaches me a way to live and brings me to myself. This is a gift.